“It was a lot,” he said as they crossed Broadway, ignoring a group of tourists that passed. “Don’t get me wrong, I loved it, but I also feel like I didn’t come up for air for three years.”
“Did you at least get a chance to come home and walk at graduation?” she asked.
He barely concealed his wince. “No. I actually forgot to complete a few credits.”
She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “Youforgot?”
“Hey. It’s much easier to do than you think.”
“Oh my God.” She shook her head, as shocked as she was amused. “You’re a college dropout.”
He smiled. “I prefer ‘matriculately challenged.’?”
Then his hand finally found its way into hers, and the last of her anxiety disappeared.
At some point they must have turned uptown because a little while later they found themselves in Union Square, where the holiday shopping stalls were already set up and crowded with tourists. They navigated their way through, telling themselves they were getting a head start on Christmas shopping, but instead Freddie bought them hot chocolates, then peppered her with questions about Columbia, the hedge fund, and her years at Kellynch.
After they had exhausted the market’s labyrinthine layout,they started to head home, winding their way through the grid of streets, revisiting memories of stores long closed, and perennial mainstays that seemed completely unchanged.
Anne had no idea how long they had been walking, but by the time they arrived back at the Uppercross, the sun had dipped behind the buildings, and the smile on her face felt permanent.
How have you gone so long without this?she thought as he tugged her forward, fingers intertwined while they made their way through the lobby. It was so easy yet felt so vital. Like she’d had a limb reattached.
Then they stepped into the elevator and Freddie stepped forward to press 8 and then 4, and her smile slowly dissolved.
The rational part of her brain knew she had no right to be disappointed. Obviously, he wasn’t going to assume she wanted to go upstairs to his apartment. The polite thing to do was drop her off on her floor and pick up tomorrow where they left off. She had her coffee with Theo in the morning, but then the rest of the day was clear. And Tuesday was the party at Eufloria! Maybe she and Freddie could go together. Like a date.
Maybe.
The elevator dinged then, and the doors opened on the fourth floor.
“I guess this is goodbye,” she said as she stepped off, forcing a smile onto her face.
He remained in the elevator car as he nodded. “I guess so.”
“You’re coming to the Eufloria party on Tuesday, right?”
He nodded again. “I’ll be there.”
“Good.” She swallowed, trying to think of something else to say. Anything to buy a few more seconds. “Well. I guess I’ll see you there.”
He smiled, though it looked superficial. “Bye, Annie.”
“Bye.”
The elevator doors closed again.
Their day was over.
This is fine, Anne thought. Better than fine, really. It was exactly what she wanted, wasn’t it? She had spent the day with him, held his hand, and heard his stories—that should have been enough, right?
She turned and unlocked apartment 4B. It was dark when she entered and closed the door behind her, but she didn’t turn on the lamp, just walked to her Christmas tree and plugged in the lights. It sent a soft glow across the room that she barely noticed. She was still buzzing from the afternoon. Every moment had felt vital and necessary, except now that it was done, she felt like a fundamental mistake had been made in the equation that got her from the elevator to here. Giving each other space was a smart and sensible thing to do, regardless of what she wanted…
That was it, the crux of the issue. Anne had spent her entire life being smart and sensible, putting what she wanted to the side while prioritizing everyone else.
She sure as hell wasn’t going to do that now.
Anne dropped her bag on the floor, spun around, and flung open the door only to find Freddie staring back at her, mid-knock, his cheeks flushed with color after racing down the hall.
