“I hurt you, didn’t I?” The words came at the same time as the realization. “And it doesn’t matter that you kissed me back. I called you a mess. I said I hated how much I needed you. I’ve been so focused on controlling everything in my life, that you… this… I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore.” He let his head fall forward again. “I know we’ll probably never see each other again. But I need you to know… you matter, Lizzy. You’re not just the redhead. And you’re not a mess. I wish I had told you that. I wish—”
BEEP, the answering machine cut him off again.
CHAPTER 21
The beach was quiet at five a.m. The soft predawn glow illuminated the skies, while the rising sun still hid behind the horizon. Lizzy was the only one crushing the surf this early and she was grateful for the solitude. She rode wave after wave, determined to get lost in her happy place. Last night’s rain had left behind icy waters and near-perfect swells, and that was exactly what she needed to quiet her ruminating mind.
But every time she licked the salt water off her swollen lips, she couldn’t help but remember Will Darcy and what he had said the night before.
…all I think about is you.
And then her mind would wander to what he had done. His grip in her hair, his kiss on her mouth, his body between her legs…
I hate how much I need this.
She shook her head, forcing the memory to the back of her mind as a wave sent from the heavens approached.
She paddled hard. But as she tried to stand, she lost her balance and the board shot out from beneath her as her tether pulled her under the surface for one chaotic moment. She let it happen just likeshe always did, staying calm while her body tumbled underneath the surface. Eventually there was a break in the surf, and she was able to pop up and take a cleansing breath of cool ocean air before the rough waters pulled her under again.
The Atlantic finally spat her out close to the beach and she found her footing. She stood up coughing and gasping for breath as she made her way to shore. She was a bit shaken, but okay. When she looked up to take stock of her surroundings, her eyes narrowed, furious that the one place she hoped would catch fire and crumble into the sea was right in front of her. Marv’s Lament stood tall like an indestructible cement giant, as obnoxious as ever.
“Ah, screw you, too,” she murmured.
The tide had unexpectedly pushed her down the coast, so the walk back to her car with her board would take forever. She’d barely have enough time to change out of her wetsuit before the bakery opened.
She stomped along the beach, her bare feet sinking into the wet sand, trying hard not to think of Will Darcy again. But the more she fought the impulse, the more pissed off she got. What was she even thinking last night? Apparently, she needed to get out more, because she clearly had no self-control, and being alone in a room with a hot guy made her fold like a deck chair.
The alarm on her watch went off just as she was loading her board into the flatbed of her truck. Thank God she had to work today. For the first time in ages, she was grateful for the bakery’s tedious routine—the prep, the paperwork, the same predictable dilemmas and issues. She could get lost in it, forget what had happened the day before. And she could relish the fact that she never had to hear that deep voice ever again.
Lizzy stared at the wall of the bakery’s office, eyes wide and phone in hand, as Will’s voice murmured in her ear.
“You’re not just the redhead. And you’re not a mess. I wish I had told you that. I wish—” Then he was cut off by a sharp click.
The answering machine continued on to the next message—their neighbor Mrs. Stoll wanted to put in an order for blueberry muffins—but Lizzy wasn’t listening. She could only focus on the blank wall ahead, as Will Darcy’s voicemails played on repeat in her mind, echoing back over each other so the details were lost and all that was left was his gravelly voice and her own confusion.
“The timer went off on the…” Her father stalked into the office, pausing when he saw the expression on Lizzy’s face. “The insurance company call again?”
She jumped, snapping out of her trance.
“What? No! It’s nothing!” she replied with a bit too much eagerness.
His brow furrowed. “You sure?”
“It’s just Mrs. Stoll. And muffins.” Then she slapped the phone down and gave him a wide smile.
He obviously wasn’t convinced, but he also didn’t seem to care enough to prod her for the truth, either. “Scones are ready for an egg wash. I’ll finish up the sourdough.”
She nodded and stood, then quickly reached over and pressed delete on the answering machine before walking out into the kitchen.
Muscle memory got her through the morning. Meanwhile, her mind was reeling. Will’s story was too convoluted and detailed not to be at least partially accurate, but which parts? Of the two men, who was to be believed?
Once the morning rush was over, she spent the rest of her shift doing the only thing she could think of: googling both Will andTristan to see if she could glean any information. In between customers and her father’s requests, she scrolled through search results on her phone, combing through pictures. Tristan’s name produced thousands of results, but oddly, there didn’t seem to be any about his actual business acumen. Instead, there was a never-ending list of social media posts with pictures from different parties around New York, always with a different woman on his arm. Regardless of the truth, it was clear that he was no Lord Magnus. Not in the slightest.
Meanwhile, Will was harder to find. The first information to pop up was about his family, along with articles about their house in Montauk. A few recent articles mentioned his name alongside numerous charitable contributions large enough to make her eyes water. It was only when she stumbled upon his parents’ obituary in theNew York Timesthat guilt overwhelmed her curiosity and she put her phone away.
When she got home, she bypassed her mother in the kitchen and headed straight upstairs. She could hear Jane across the hall, but Lizzy didn’t stop to say hello as she turned into her room and fell into her bed. She couldn’t tell her sister what had happened with Will at the bakery, especially when it would only bring up the memory of Charlie. And the Tristan news… that felt dangerous, unwieldy.
So instead, she screamed into her pillow.
