It was instinct that made him step away from her, rake a hand through his hair and curse under his breath. He closed his eyes, trying to regain some control of his body in the few precious moments they had left. When he opened them he saw Emma still standing in front of him, her arms wrapped around herself.
Shit.
“I should go find Davina.”
“Right.” She stared at him a moment longer, the fog lifting from her gaze. “Happy New Year, Knightley.”
He nodded, looking down her body one more time. That was it. That was his moment. That short, precious moment, and now it was gone.
“Happy New Year, Woodhouse,” he said. And then he walked toward the house without looking back.
CHAPTER 21
Emma stared at the empty fountain for a long time. Somewhere in the periphery she could hear the party raging: the cheering and the celebration. She could hear Nadine still yelling for her. But nothing was louder than the voice in her own head.
I almost kissed Knightley.
Her fingers instinctively went to her lips. Was it the almost-kiss that had her so thrown? Or how the idea of kissing him hadn’t thrown her at all? It felt so natural, like it should have happened. Like, in that moment, ithadto.
But it didn’t. He had pulled away, left abruptly. It was as if he had read her thoughts and tried to shoot her down in the kindest way possible. Now he was off somewhere with his gorgeous date and she was here, staring at the landscaping.
It hurt. A distinct, sharp pain in her heart that flared with the realization that, despite how things would have changed, she had wanted it. She still did. And he didn’t.
“Emma!” Nadine’s voice pulled her attention. She turned just as her friend rushed across the yard and threw her arms aroundher. “Knightley said you were out here! Happy New Year! Come on, we have to celebrate!”
Before Emma could reply, Nadine took her hand and pulled her back toward the house and onto the crowded dance floor. They were pressed in on all sides by undulating bodies, random new friends who dropped neon necklaces over their heads and threw streamers into the air. Nadine jumped and flailed and smiled under the flashing lights like she was in her element.
Emma tried to lose herself in the music too, the deafening beat that was vibrating through her bones, but every time she closed her eyes, she saw Knightley. The feel of his body against hers, his face inches away, that intoxicating mix of leather and pine on his skin.
When she opened her eyes again, she suddenly realized she was very tired. Of smiling, of pretending, of all of it. She was ready to go home.
Emma leaned toward her friend and yelled over the music, “I think I’m going to call it a night!”
“What? No!” Nadine pleaded. “This is the best party I’ve ever been to!”
“I’m just tired. But you should stay!”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely,” Emma replied. “You have a key, right? Just text me when you leave and head up to the guest room.”
Nadine nodded and lunged toward her to give her another hug, then turned back to the dance floor.
Emma sighed. It was time to go.
The cold night air was sobering as Emma stepped outside, the front door slamming closed behind her. The vibrations of the musicebbed as she held her coat tight around her body and descended the steps to the sidewalk.
She didn’t bother turning on any lights when she entered her house, just headed downstairs to get a glass of water. She drank it all in one gulp and then filled the glass again, sipping more slowly this time as her eyes scanned the kitchen, finally falling on the French doors that led out to the back garden. To the townhouse there just beyond that well-worn path.
Knightley’s windows were dark, just like they were the night Montgomery kissed her for the first time. He probably wasn’t home yet. Would he bring Davina there afterward? Offer her a glass of wine before pulling her upstairs? Emma’s mind began to churn out images of what that would look like, the view she would be privy to from her window, and she squeezed her eyes shut.
Don’t go there.
Her phone buzzed in her hand and she looked down to see a text message light up the screen:
NADINE
IM TALKINGG TO A GUY WHOS AN ARTIST AND HE KNITTS CONDOMS AND HE IS SO HOT COM BACK TO THE PARTTTYYY!!!
