“Is that such a bad thing? Finding someone who makes you feel that way?”
Merritt sighed. “I just…I feel so turned around. At this point, I can’t tell if I should trust my instincts or do the exact opposite. It’s been two years since I’ve been with anyone, since Adrian, and you know what a toxic nightmare that was. I…” She took another long pause, her throat tightening. “Sometimes I think that’s the only way I know how to love someone.”
She should’ve stumbled over using the wordlove,but it wasn’t just Niko she was thinking of. It was Olivia, Nora, and the countless people who had, at one time or another, sworn they could never live without her, then subsequently excised her like a tumor.
Nora pulled up in front of the house, then leveled her with a serious gaze. “You’re not too damaged to love, Merritt. Yes, you have a past, but who doesn’t? You’re being so hard on yourself about things that haven’t even happened yet. I can already tell you’re not the same person you were two, or five, or ten years ago. Have a little faith in yourself. People can make incredible changes, if they want it. If they work for it. I’ve seen it. And you’re making a lot of assumptions about him, too. Maybe he’ll surprise you.”
Merritt let out a choked laugh. “Damn. You’re really good at this. This is why you’re not allowed to be the train wreck.” She glanced over, a little abashed. “I don’t know how much I’ve really changed, though, if I’m dragging you back into my mess after five minutes.”
Nora laughed. “Hey, I’ve been doing my own work, too. Iwouldn’t let you drag me if I didn’t want to be dragged. Plus, I’ve been keeping a tab for the past fifteen years, so you’re on the hook for approximately forty-seven midnight breakdown phone calls.”
“That’s more than fair. I’ll keep my ringer on.” Merritt paused. “But really, though. Youcancall me whenever, about anything. I want to be there for you again. I think I can do it now, better than I used to. I…I really miss you, Nor. I know I owe you more than I can ever repay. But I’m glad you’re going to be here. I’m glad I get the chance to try.”
Nora smiled, even as her brow creased with emotion. “Me, too.”
Merritt leaned across the console and wrapped her in a hug as best she could, making plans to see each other again before Nora returned to LA in a few days.
When she let herself into the house, the downstairs lights were already off, so she made her way to her room undisturbed, accompanied only by the dull, persistent throb in her chest.
26
She didn’t have to waitlong for Niko’s text that he was outside. The only thing she grabbed on the way out was her desk lamp, wrapping the cord around the base to keep it out of the way.
She put it in the bed of his truck before leaning in the open passenger-side window.
“Hey, handsome. Is there aMrs.Crested Peak?”
He turned to her as she climbed in next to him, still looking a little punch-drunk but unable to hide the grin blazing across his face like a sunrise. As always, the sight of him was enough to banish every doubt that had crept in in his absence—or at least silence them. He was still wearing the sash, and she wrapped her hand in it, tugging him in for a kiss.
“I still can’t believe it,” he said.
She smiled against his lips. “I can.”
Niko shifted gears and pulled away from the curb. “Do youwant to go to Off the Rails? I think there’s some kind of after-party thing happening there. Or we could go to my place, but I’m not sure who will be home.”
“Actually,” she said, “I was thinking we could go to the house.”
His brow furrowed. “Your house?”
“Yeah. Do you still have all those pillows and blankets from when we had that picnic on the mountain?”
The crease in his forehead smoothed, and he stole a glance at her, the corner of his mouth lifting. “Not with me, but we can stop by and grab them on the way. I just washed them, too.”
As they drove, he filled her in on the final tally of the silent auction, Merritt gasping in delight when she learned they’d raised almost two hundred thousand dollars.
“Did you see how much your donations went for?”
“Ten thousand for the table,” he said, and she could tell he was trying to sound casual about it. “And a few thousand for each of the paintings.”
Merritt’s mouth dropped open. “Holy shit. Niko! That’s incredible.”
He laughed under his breath, shaking his head. “I kind of feel like I’m waiting for someone to wake me up from this whole night. Oh, and do you know Randi, who owns the gallery? She came up to me and, um. Asked me if I was interested in maybe doing a show there.”
“Oh my god,” Merritt said, clutching her chest, as exhilarated as if all of this were happening to her. “Please tell me you said yes.”
He shrugged. “I told her to come by this week and I could show her what I have, but I don’t want to get too ahead of myself. There might not be enough there that she likes for a full show.”
“Wow, listen to you,” she teased. “One night as a professionalartist and your ego is already out of control. Didn’t anyone tell you to stay humble?”
