Not perfect. But better every day, and maybe that was enough.
Seeing herself through the not-quite-mirror of her sister’s eyes, she finally understood it. She’d spent all summer telling herself that she’d be holding Niko back from his next chapter, never letting herself acknowledge the idea that his next chapter could be her.
That she might be able to give him the thing he craved most of all, the one thing she never thought she could provide in a relationship—stability.
That her love for him might not be a burden, but an anchor.
Maybe this was the next step on her endless journey of self-acceptance: having faith in her future. In the quiet, everyday miracle of what she and Niko had together. In her own capacity to protect it.
Her eyes drifted to the pouch on her nightstand containing the tarot deck Daniela had given her.
She slid the cards out, shuffled, cut the deck, and flipped over the top one.
As soon as she saw the card, she knew what she needed to do.
36
It was going to takealmost a full day of travel to get to Greece from Tucson, with layovers in Chicago and Brussels—not to mention the three-hour drive from Athens to Kontovazaina. Niko was grateful to have a companion for once, even though he could tell as soon as his mother got in the car to the airport she wasn’t in a talkative mood.
They had time to kill before their first flight, so he picked up some snacks at the airport newsstand as she browsed the thrillers. His phone buzzed in his pocket while he waited in line, so he juggled his Snickers, beef jerky, and gum in one hand in order to pull it out.
It was Larry, who Niko didn’t think had ever called him in his life.
After some brief, confusing small talk about how Niko was liking Tucson, Larry cleared his throat.
“Listen,” he said. “I was just calling to see how you’re holding up. With everything.” He paused. “With Merritt.”
By now, Niko was near the giant windows looking out at the tarmac, the sun blindingly bright all of a sudden.
The answer, of course, was “fucking terribly,” but he doubted Larry was calling to offer him a post-breakup shoulder to cry on.
“Uh, what about her?” he asked cautiously.
Larry paused again, but this one felt weightier. “You didn’t hear?”
“Hear what?” His heart began pounding. Was she hurt? Was she in trouble?
“She came by the market the other day while Bruce’s daughter was working. Apparently she bought something, uh…personal.”
Niko racked his brain for what this could possibly mean. “What, like tampons?”
“No. Like the opposite.”
Niko was so annoyed at being forced to play gossip charades that it took a beat for the full weight of it to hit him. Now he understood why Larry had called him: out of all the residents of Crested Peak, the older men were the biggest busybodies of all.
“Oh.”
He stared blankly at the planes slowly rolling in front of him, the tiny figures in fluorescent vests down below.
In a way, it felt like he’d been bracing to hear this his whole life. The fate he’d always been heading for, predestined, none of his actions making any difference in the end.
He expected dread to wash over him, thick and suffocating, his choices narrowed to a single arrow. Instead, it was like a secret door unlocked inside him, and he was suddenly facing the possibility he’d never allowed himself to hope for.
A future with Merritt where “forever” was on the table.
It was more complicated than that, obviously. But right now, all he wanted to do was follow that arrow all the way back to her door.
He wasn’t sure how his conversation with Larry ended, but he blinked and was sitting next to his mother again. She did a double take at his expression, closing her book immediately.
