Tears sprang to Merritt’s eyes again, but this time she allowed them to fall down her cheeks. “Oh, Liv,” she said, sinking to the ground, too, her hand pressed to her aching heart, like that would help. “I have nightmares about it, too. Where you’re the one who found me. I’m so sorry. I don’t even have the words for how sorry I am. Just know that I can never, ever forgive myself for doing that to you.”
Olivia shook her head, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. “I don’t want that, either.”
“What, then? What can I do?”
“I just want youhere,” Olivia said, her voice thick with fresh sobs. “I missed you so much this summer.”
Merritt’s throat tightened. “I missed you, too. I’m sorry I abandoned you.”
Olivia shook her head, even more emphatically this time. “No,I’msorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you away over…” Olivia trailed off, pressing her sleeves to both her eyes and taking a deep, congested breath. “I was just scared for you both. I love you so much, Merritt. It’s painful to see you self-destruct. And I…I was worried you might leave. If things blew up between you.”
Merritt’s brow furrowed. “Leave?”
“Yeah. I mean, you only moved here in the first place because of your divorce, right?”
“Olivia.” Merritt said it as firmly as she could, forcing her sister to meet her gaze before she continued. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here, and I’m here for you. I’m sorry for ever making you doubt it.”
Olivia’s face crumpled, and she buried her face in her hands again. Merritt got to her knees, crawling to the opposite wall so they were finally sitting side by side. Olivia rested her head on Merritt’s shoulder, and she lay her own on top of it.
“Once the babies get here, everything’s going to change. My whole life. All my relationships. I feel so fucking unprepared. There’s going to betwoof them, for fuck’s sake. I think I’ve been projecting that anxiety onto everything else. Especially you.”
Merritt nodded. “I get it. It scares me, too. But I don’t think any parent ever feels prepared. I have zero doubt that once they get here, and we meet them, you’re going to know exactly what to do. And they’re going to be amazing, and perfect, because you and Dev made them.”
Olivia let out a choked sob. “You think?”
“Iknow.”
She reached over and took Olivia’s hand, squeezing it firmly. Olivia squeezed back, then tilted her head enough to meet Merritt’s eyes. “I’m sorry I said all those things. They were really mean. That’s not how I feel about you.”
“It’s okay. I deserved some of them. And I’m blaming the rest on hormones.”
“I just…I know you’ve been through hell. I know that. But…” Olivia sighed heavily. “I do still get jealous of you sometimes. I don’t want to, but I do.”
Merritt jerked her head up in surprise. “Ofme? Liv, my life is a fucking mess.You’rethe one who’s always had it all together.The relationship, and the degrees, and the career, and the fifteen-year plan. I feel so lost compared to you.”
“Well, I feel so boring compared toyou.”
Merritt let out a teary honk of laughter. “Boring sounds incredible right about now.”
Both their gazes drifted to Olivia’s phone at the reminder, which started beeping as if on cue. Merritt scrambled to her feet, her heart throbbing in her ears, and picked the test up off the counter. Her vision swam with black spots, and she blinked them away.
Olivia hovered over her shoulder, and they took it in together: twin pink lines, standing side by side, not unlike the two of them.
Positive.
Merritt glanced up at her sister, her heart in her throat.
Olivia took the test out of her hand, placed it on the counter, and pulled Merritt into a hug so tight and fierce that she was worried they might flatten her future nieces.
34
Even though he’d spent mostof his formative years in Florida, Niko still wasn’t prepared for the heat.
Crested Peak rarely got above eighty, even in the dog days of August, but when he pulled up to his mom’s townhouse in the Tucson suburbs, the temperature on his dashboard read 112 degrees. His shirt was plastered to his torso in the time it took her to answer the door, but that didn’t stop her from giving him an even warmer hug.
His sisters and their stepdad were waiting in the kitchen, along with enough food to feed fifty people rather than five, and Niko felt a sense of relief for the first time since he’d left Crested Peak in his rearview mirror.
Of course moving on wouldn’t be easy. Of course he’d miss everything and everyone he left behind. But as he filled his plate with moussaka and meatballs and stuffed peppers, chatting with Alex about her first week of freshman orientation and Lydiaabout making captain of her varsity dance team, he remembered why he was here.
