“No, you are,” he said, his voice becoming more impassioned. “Because you’re fucking talented, and you work really goddamn hard, and you’re tough as hell. And brave, too. Much braver than me. You’re going to have an incredible career after this, I know you are. You’re…” He paused, searching for the right word. “You’re undeniable.”
She was still looking away, her eyes downcast. Slowly, her hand shifted off her lap, sliding across the floor toward him. It slipped over his, colder than he’d anticipated, their fingers interlacing tightly and seamlessly. Without thinking, he brought his other hand over the top of hers, sandwiching it between both of his, rubbing gently for a few moments until it warmed up.
He lost track of how long they sat there, backs against the bed, legs sprawled in front of them, palms pressed together, fingers intertwined. For some reason, all he could think about was a picture Dean had shown him once of a pair of sea otters holding hands as they slept, to prevent them from being swept away by the current and separated forever.
He shut his eyes, listening to the sound of her breathing, themurmurs of the party far away from them. He didn’t open them again until he heard the countdown, voices shouting loud enough to carry.
“EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX!”
He turned his head to Lilah, who was already looking at him.
Of course he wanted to kiss her. It was all he’d been thinking about since Vancouver—even before then, if he was being honest with himself.
But something about doing it now felt wrong. Like it would cheapen the moment, make it all about sex, crush the delicate, valuable thing fluttering and blooming between them. It wasn’t worth it if there was even the slightest chance she’d think he’d been buttering her up to try to take advantage of her in a moment of vulnerability.
As he looked into her eyes, he knew without a doubt, down to the marrow of his bones, that he wasn’t just in trouble. He was completely fucking in love with her. A love that felt old and new at the same time.
He loved the things that had drawn him to her nine years ago: her beauty, her talent, her drive, her self-possession. He loved the pieces she’d only recently allowed him to see: her loyalty, her courage, her resilience, her tender heart.
He even loved her bad sides, each and every quality that had once repelled him, because she wouldn’t be Lilah without them.
That knowledge didn’t bring him any comfort, though, just a vague feeling of unease. Because it didn’t matter what he felt if she didn’t feel it, too. And on the off chance she did, he suspected she was constitutionally incapable of admitting it. But even if they never saw each other again after the show ended, he knew she would never, ever work her way out of his system.She’d been his other half since the day they’d been cast, their bond as unique as a fingerprint and just as much a part of him.
They ran out the clock without moving, distant cheers drifting over them.
She smiled at him, a little sadly, and squeezed his hand.
“Happy New Year, Shane.”
“Happy New Year, Lilah.”
She hesitated for a moment before angling her body toward him, still holding his hand, reaching for his face with the other. His breath caught in his throat as she cradled his jaw.
“I really do like the beard,” she murmured, her voice sending a ripple of electricity through his veins. “But I miss…” She trailed off, running her thumb across his cheek, pressing it gently into the spot where his dimple would’ve been.
It felt like she was pressing it directly onto his heart.
He swallowed hard before reaching out, too, bringing his hand to her temple, running his fingers through her hair. He thought he saw her shiver at the contact.
“And you were still the most beautiful person in the room, even with that haircut,” he teased.
She laughed, easing some of the tension, but didn’t pull away.
“Don’t remind me. I thought it would never grow out.”
He laughed, too, deepening his grip on her hair without thinking. The amusement drained out of her expression, her eyes going dark and glassy.
Before he had time to react, he heard the door swing open abruptly, followed by a worried voice.
“Lilah? Are you in here?”
They both poked their heads above the bed at the same time. Yvonne, Pilar, and Annie were standing in the doorway, their expressions turning instantly from concern to shock as soon as they saw Shane.
“What the fuck,” Annie blurted out.
Yvonne raised her eyebrows. “Are we interrupting something?”
“No,” the two of them said in unison, Shane reluctantly releasing her hand and getting to his feet. The other three women regarded him skeptically as he approached, stopping halfway between Lilah and the doorway.
