“Nothing. Nothing,” Shane said, scrubbing his hand over the back of his neck as he paced back and forth. “Maybe I’m just tired of seeing you every time I turn around.”
Dean blinked, stunned, the controller hanging forgotten from one hand. “What?”
Shane felt his stomach twist at Dean’s expression, one he didn’t think he’d ever seen before, let alone caused. In a dimly lit back corner of his mind, he was already mortified, barely able torecognize himself. But when he opened his mouth, instead of an apology, what came out was “You need to move out. It’s way past time, it’s fucking embarrassing. Get your own life. Stop mooching off mine.”
Dean tossed the controller aside and stalked toward Shane, and for a split second, Shane thought he might be about to hit him. A perverse part of him hoped he would: give him some actual, physical pain to focus on, something sharp and immediate to distract him from the confusing jumble of feelings that had been sitting in the pit of his stomach since that morning, that had only gotten worse since he’d opened his door and seen Lilah standing there.
Dean didn’t even give him the satisfaction of getting angry, though. It was like he knew exactly what Shane was trying to do—attempting to alleviate his own misery by spreading it. But Dean had always been too even-tempered to bait like that.
“Fine” was all he said, quietly, shooting Shane a stony glare before shoving his foot into his other shoe and storming out the door.
Three weeks later, watching the two of them leave that wrap party together, there was no doubt in Shane’s mind that he’d gotten exactly what he deserved.
14
Now
“So, Shane,” Dr. Deena said, leaning forward in her chair. “Is it possible that your unwillingness to believe your brother stemmed from a subconscious attempt to relieve your own guilt about the way you behaved toward both of them after your last sexual encounter with Lilah?”
Out of the corner of her eye, Lilah saw Shane shift in his seat.Good.
“Sure,” he said noncommittally. “I mean, anything’s possible.”
Lilah swallowed a frustrated groan. After their display at the premiere party, they’d been sent to an emergency therapysession, but their attempt to unravel what had caused the blowup in the first place was going about as well as expected.
Dr. Deena sighed. “Okay, let’s try a different approach.Whydo you think you reacted that way?”
Shane crossed an ankle over his other knee, jiggling it restlessly. “I guess I felt like she was using sex as, like…a power play. Like she was only doing it because she had something to prove.”
“So you felt that, for her, the sex was divorced from any emotion.”
“Yes.”
“But not for you.”
“Yes. I mean, no. I mean…I don’t know. I just felt kind of…used.”
Lilah rolled her eyes. “Oh, give me a fuckingbreak.”
Dr. Deena turned to Lilah, her gaze sharp. “Let’s hear it from you, then, Lilah. What wereyoufeeling that day?”
Now it was Lilah’s turn to be evasive. “It’s hard to say,” she said tersely, crossing her arms. “It was a long time ago.”
“Why don’t you take a moment and try your best to remember.”
Lilah tried to ignore both Shane’s and Dr. Deena’s stares as she cast her eyes to the ceiling, considering the question.
“I guess I just got caught up in the moment,” she said after a long pause. “I didn’t have any ulterior motive.” And it was, to date, still the hottest sex of her life—even though she’d burst into angry, helpless tears the moment she’d slammed his trailer door behind her.
“And would you say there were emotions involved on your end?”
Lilah pursed her lips. “I thought this was about fixing our professional relationship, not our romantic one.”
“Well, it does seem like those are more intertwined than we’d like them to be, doesn’t it?” Dr. Deena said coolly, looking down at her notes. “What about when you were together initially? You’ve both said it was just casual. But I have to say, it’s hard to imagine that you two would still have this level of hostility after all these years if there was no deeper emotional connection whatsoever.”
Lilah and Shane exchanged uneasy glances. Neither said anything for a long beat.
“Yeah,” Shane responded gruffly, in a tone she’d never heard before, like it was being pulled out of him. “Yeah, I was in love with her.”
