“It just doesn’t make sense to me,” she says. Her voice is calm, but her hands betray her agitation by delicately shredding her paper napkin as she speaks. She fixes me with a piercing blue stare. “I don’t understand why I’m the one suffering the consequences for being violated by the press, for having my most private moments made public without my consent. For falling in love.” When she says the word “love,” her voice catches. For all the cynical whispers that the union between her and Atkins has (had?) the distinctive whiff of a publicity stunt, the glimpse of pain in her eyes before she looks away seems agonizingly real.
Ethan read that last paragraph twice. Three times. With trembling hands, he forced himself to skim through the rest of the story. It contained a few new details he hadn’t known about her, including that when she was thirteen, she’d been one of the final two actresses in contention to play the titular regular-girl-slash-secret-pop-star on the hit Disney Channel showVirginia Virginia—though, of course, she’d lost out in the end. He flipped through theother pages; more photographs of Grey, looking varying degrees of wounded and fearless.
Suddenly, with perfect clarity, Ethan realized what he had to do. He looked up to see Lucas, already down to the crust on his second piece of pizza, watching him intently.
“I need your help with something.”
THE DAYS LEADING UP TOher birthday filled Grey with dread. Even under the best circumstances, she’d never really been a fan: in her line of work, she’d been conditioned to see birthdays as one more precious year slipping through her fingers, her goals still just out of reach. This year in particular didn’t feel like there was much worth celebrating. Still, she’d agreed to let Kamilah take her out to their favorite dim sum place and stuff her full of veggie dumplings.
They trudged up the stone pathway to their front door, stomachs bursting, giggling about the job Kamilah had booked for the next week—a repeat gig directing a music video for a boy band with notoriously overzealous fans.
“Can youpleasegive Thorne my number this time, at least?” Grey teased as Kamilah pulled her keys out of her pocket.
“I should. Last time all he did between takes was sit around eating Swedish Fish and not talking to anybody. You two wouldprobably get along.” Kamilah unlocked the door and Grey tilted her head back dreamily.
“Man, I haven’t had Swedish Fish inforever.Remember in college when we ate that two-pound bag from Costco in one sit—”
As Kamilah pushed the door open, Grey was drowned out by a chorus of shouting voices:
“Surprise!”
Grey blinked, her mouth falling open. Her house was packed with people. As she looked around the room, registering the faces beaming back at her, it seemed like everyone she’d ever known and loved in L.A. was there.
Well. Almost everyone.
She looked at Kamilah, mouth still hanging open. Kamilah grinned.
“I thought you might need a little distraction after all.”
Grey barely had time to thank her before Mia pounced, eager to introduce Grey to her new boyfriend. The party swung into gear, people spilling out into the backyard, which had been set up with a booming sound system and strung with twinkle lights.
As soon as Grey stepped into the backyard, someone pressed a can of beer into her hand, cold and slick with condensation. She whirled around to see who it was, accidentally bumping into Renata, who squeezed her shoulder and planted a fat red lipstick mark on her cheek.
“Happy birthday, kiddo,” she said fondly. “How you been holding up?”
“Better. Still not great,” Grey replied honestly, cracking the beer open and taking a sip.
“Are you ready to get back out there soon? No pressure.”
Grey couldn’t hide her shock. “You have work for me?”
“Nothing that’ll knock your socks off, but it’s starting to pile up. You’re definitely on people’s minds, for better or worse. How’sthe script coming, though? This might be a good time to strike on that.”
“Good. Really good, actually. You think you can get us some meetings? Because of my…because of everything?”
Renata nodded. “Absolutely. It’ll get you in the room, at least. If they underestimate you, fuck ’em. That’s their mistake.”
Grey felt a rush of gratitude and wrapped Renata in a hug. “Thank you, Renata.”
Renata stroked her hair. “Of course, my love. You know I’m proud of you no matter what, right? You’ll fight your way through this. You always do.”
Grey blinked back tears, clutching Renata tighter.
Later in the evening, after they’d cut the cake, she stood alone in a corner of the backyard, nursing a seltzer and surveying the scene. The party was mostly made up of Grey’s casual acquaintances and Kamilah’s close friends, which wasn’t surprising. Grey’s inner circle could barely fill their kitchen, let alone their backyard. She was grateful Kamilah had ignored her request for a quiet birthday. She’d needed this more than she thought.
And then, as he usually did when her mind was slack and drifting, Ethan snuck in. She closed her eyes, her face flushing, the spring air feeling unseasonably warm. She hated how much she wished he was there. How keenly she felt his absence.
When she opened her eyes again, she saw him.
