One night, I ask another waitress who got cut when I did if she wants to grab dinner; she smiles tightly and makes an excuse. I have a feeling Evan talked to my coworkers about me after we broke up. I just don’t know what he said.
My family took me out to dinner and gave me birthday presents when they were all here, but I wait to open them until the day of. A limited edition Laufey vinyl from Zara, a packet of rare seeds from Dad. A monogrammed planner from Maren, new shoes from Candice and Hailey. They all call and text, every single one of them.
They love me so much. I can feel it when they’re there. We parted ways so excited to see each other again in France this Christmas.
So why doesn’t it feel like enough when they’re far away?
I drop off Maisy’s birthday gift by her door, just to return the kindness of her charm bracelet, and otherwise don’t hear from her. She may already be gone.
I’m suggesting we get some distance.
What’s wrong with me, I wonder as I clock into work that night, not even having bothered to take the time off,that I’m desperate for a level of affection nobody else needs from me in return?
“What are you going to do about the apartment?” Maren asked me on the ride to the airport last week. Zara had paid through the end of July, so I have that long to decide if I’m renewing.
“She doesn’t know yet,” Zara answered for me. “She’ll tell us when she figures it out.”
I open Liam’s letter in bed after my shift and am terrified by how well he can read me.
Happy birthday, Paige!
I know how much you love your birthday, and I know it probably felt a little weird this year. But I’m going tobe back in one day, and we both know I’m the best present you’re getting. So just hang tight, and I’ll see you soon.
Liam
Only one more day; I distract myself practicing chord progressions.
But when Liam gets back, it’s like the clouds part, and I finally have sun again.
He takes me out for my first legal drink at a German brewery built like a castle, and at first, it’s just the two of us, catching up about our time apart. But then some of his teammates come, and I get to meet his best friend Carlos, the first baseman.
“We’ve got a good little home stretch coming up, thankfuck,” Carlos says. “Will you be at the games, Paige?”
“As many as I can,” I promise.
Mouth by my hair, Liam says, “You don’t have to.”
But when I’m at the stadium two days later in a newly purchased jersey, his number on the back, he can’t stop smiling at me before the game, can’t keep his hands off me after.
Now that his classes are finished, if I’m not at work and he’s not with the team, we’re together. Sharing ice-cream cones, practicing guitar, drinking through cocktail menus, reading at the library (now that we don’t have an inside woman at the bookstore to forgive our loitering), or exploring each other’s bodies in the vacant privacy of my apartment until it feels like he knows the precise degree of my curves, like I know the choreography Liam wants from my body before he ever has to say it.
But he loves to say it.
By June, I’m in love with him.
“Tell me about your family?” I ask one Saturday on a blanket in Sequoyah Park, near a spot where tiny mushrooms and tall dandelions are sprouting across the grass.
He closes his eyes and aims his face toward the sky, palm going beneath his head.
“Keep playing that thing,” he says.
I pick back up the tune, strumming on my brand-new mandolin.
“My dad,” Liam starts, then bites his lower lip in thought. “My dad was my favorite person on the planet. He was both of my sisters’ favorite, he was my mom’s favorite. I know you’re not supposed to admit it, and nobody ever did out loud, but—he was ours. He kept everyone happy. He knew how to soothe my mom’s anxieties and make my sisters feel like the most special girls in the world. He could defuse tension with one line and make you laugh until your abs ached. He owned a landscaping company and knew more about native Georgia plants than anyone. And he was in love with baseball,” Liam adds with a gruff laugh. “Just like me.”
“Youlove baseball?”
“I’ve been meaning to tell you.”
