Liam looks sideways, his lips pinched. “Paige. I was serious about why I cut things off with Brenna. You said it yourself. My lifestyle, all the moving, the late nights, the constant shows. I wouldn’t be a good long-term partner to you.”
“Which is why I’m giving you an easy out. I’ll fit myself intoyourworld for a couple months, and after, you can dump me. I can take it.”
An entire relationship cycle,I think, somewhat mournfully. I’m not only in this for the part that’s painful, but I won’t ignore it either.
“But love doesn’t work that way,” Liam argues with a near growl.
“Wrong,” I say. “Love works in an uncountable number of ways.”
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. After ten seconds of silence, he says, “No.”
I bristle. I knew I’d have to sell him on this, come up with a creative plan to work around his tour schedule, but I didn’t actually think Liam would turn me down. Not when he’s the one whomademe like this. Not when he’s the person who single-handedly set me on this path, who told me to be this way out loud.
“What do you mean, no?”
“I mean, no, I’m not going to break your heart on purpose, Paige. I’m not fucking capable of it. Even doing it by accident nearly destroyed me.” He stands and starts to gather our trash while my panic sets in. “And if I’m not willing to break your heart, then I can’t in good conscience start something with you. Not with my career the way it is, not with your career needing support I couldn’t provide. It’s just an all-around no.”
“Liam,” I try.
His eyes catch mine, and the look he shoots me scintillates over my skin. “You’ve always,alwaysunderestimated how much I care about you. You did it then, and you’re doing it now.”
His words are a scolding.I care about you.
This moment splits apart, and mythink laterstrategy ends for good. All I can do isthink think think.
I’m still frustrated with Liam for what he did four years ago, but not mad enough to inflict heartbreak on him just because I’mwillingto do it to myself. The part Liam isn’t saying is it would break his heart, too. I see it in his weary gaze when he nods at the car, in his slumped shoulders while he waits for me to stand so he can follow me over.
Breaking my heart would break his.
I climb, childlike, back into the truck and stare at my first songs on his passenger floor, feeling suddenly, dizzyingly grounded, like I just got off a roller coaster. Like the hamster wheel of my emotions has finally stopped spinning.
You’ve always underestimated how much I care about you.
Liam slips in and starts driving, letting me sit with it.
I was so cavalier. On purpose, to ignore the weight of it all. A reunion. An imploring request. But I should’ve known an impulsive strategy wouldn’t haveworked, not for us. Four years didn’t change a thing about who we are to each other.
The only words we exchange on the ride to my house are Liam asking for my address, me mumbling it to him so he can plug it into his phone. Now that he’s shut me down, all the adrenaline from earlier, the blooming spring between us, has cold snapped again.
And honestly. I might be sorry for the way I approached it, but Idon’tthink I regret finding him tonight. It was probably time, no matter what.
He pulls up to the curb of my complex, looking out at the dark, redbrick building beyond the passenger-side window.
“I’ll walk you to your door.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I do.”
He trails me up the path until we’re beneath the awning. Darkness shades Liam’s face when I turn to bid him goodnight, or goodbye.
“What are you going to do?” he asks.
I shake my head. “If I can’t find any inspiration, the music rep said he could bring in a lyricist for my melodies.”
He palms the back of his neck. “And will you? Try to find some… inspiration?” The word sounds dirty, illegal.
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I have a couple months to figure it out.”
