He laughs freely, like I’m cute. “I know.Iapplied you for it. They were advertising a scholarship opening in the program for a first-generation college student. I guess there’s a lot of nepotism and they were taking some heat about it,” he says. “You got the spot, Paige, and the tuition’s paid for. You won’t have any debt at all.”
“You sent them my songs?” I ask, my muscles seizing. “The recordings you have on your phone—that’swhat you sent them?”
His smile begins to falter, though he’s clinging to it, still thoroughly happy. “Yeah, well, they wanted some samples with the application, so I—”
“What about, like, my high school transcript, and my Social Security number?” My voice is shrill now. “How’d you get that?”
“Zara,” he says, swallowing. The smile finally vanishes. “And—well, I think Maren’s the one who actually…”
My hand goes over my mouth, tremoring. Every cell in my body is in crisis.
“Paige.” Liam’s voice is hesitant, gentle. Like he’d use with atoddler. “This is a really good, really cool thing. That professor called you impressive and said he would love the opportunity to teach you. Did you hear that part?”
Over the sound of your betrayal?my brain screeches.Nope!
“You got mysistersinvolved in this?” I ask. Because surely my ears aren’t working right. Though my brain is pumping memories forward like a film reel.
Otherwise you’ll end up like Folly
What are you planning to do now?
Figure out where we’re going
For the record, I think that’s a shame
The first stage of grief—denial—draws to a close.
And anger floods me.
I’m thinking of Maisy, our biggest fight, that embarrassing poem the entire school got to read because she went behind my back and published it. Everybody learned how sad and pathetic I felt because my mom decided I was her last straw.
I forgave Maisy for that too easily, too quickly.
The shaking in my limbs stops. I go almost deathly still. “This is the biggest breach of trust,” I say, voice low, “that I can possibly fathom you having done to me.”
“Toyou?” Liam blinks, then wets his lips. “Paige, I did thisforyou.”
Tears smart in my eyes and my head goes side to side.
Why would I want to be alone in the ocean if—
“No,” I say, voice cracking. “You did this because I’m not enough for you unless I’m aspiring to some goal other people can see and hear. It’s why you corrected me in front of your family when I told them I was just a waitress. Because I’m not enough for you otherwise. Not enough for you, not for Evan, not for Maren, not even for my own fucking mother. Not enough, not ever.” My voice breaks.
Hurt slams into him, visibly, painfully, and it makes me even angrier. Why does Liam get to feel hurt by that?
“You think I’m capable of imagining you that way?” His voice gets sharper with every word. “Not enough for me. Notenough? I could scour the planet for a better experience than being with you over a million years and never be satisfied. I would give up all other sound in an instant before I’d give up the sound of your voice. Your taste. Your feel. The fucking sight of you. I’m out here imagining our future—all I’ve done for months is think aboutour future—and you think you’re not enough for me?”
“Is it conditional onthat?” I shriek, pointing at his phone. “Is our future conditional on me becoming the version of me you want?”
He shakes his head. “There’s no—there’s no version of you I’m looking for. I’m just lookingatyou as you alreadyare. And you deserve more than a boyfriend who lets you bury what you love more than anything. I’d be no better than Evan.”
“Evan never betrayed my trust!”
“Neither of us believes that,” Liam mutters.
Evan and I never fought either,I think privately.Even and I never felt either.
Now, I feel everything.
