But also bad. Because she wasn’t sure she’d made the right one. He hadn’t been entirely wrong in his accusations.
She swallowed. A crowded ballroom was no place for emotion. She had hurt the one person who trulysawher, and losing him was something she was just going to have to live with—her penance for being too caught up in what other people thought.
One of the tepid swains who circled the room cleared his throat, trying to get access to the punch she was blocking. With a last look at the probably-interesting group of women, she made her way back to her “friends.”
“Lord Lionell seemed to be enjoying the dance,” Luella tittered as Amelia approached. “I’ve heard he’s very generous to his mistresses.”
Hmmm.
Benedict’s temper had clearly rubbed off on her because she had to stop herself from slapping the girl. But she just smiled sweetly. “Manage to find a husband, Lulu, and an affair with Lord Lionell is yours for the taking.”
Luella’s eyes narrowed. “Not all of us will have husbands content to leave us so completely to our own devices. I’m quite jealous, Amelia, that your husband is so hands-off.”
It was the perfect jab. A reminder of what she’d lost in a saccharine wrapping that didn’t go unnoticed by those around her. Barely suppressed smiles had her shaking in anger and embarrassment. If she opened her mouth, it would be a firestorm of fury that poured out. So she kept her mouth shut and raised an eyebrow in the most condescending stare she could imagine.
The cluster of debutantes around them watched to see who would break first in this silent-staring struggle for dominance.
Luella was the first to capitulate, diverting her gaze, her ears flushing red. “There’s Miss Penelope. I heard Madame Genevieve refused to dress her—thank goodness. There’d be no fabric left for the rest of us.”
“What has she done, do you think?” one of the new crop of debutantes said. “Made a ballgown from the drapes?”
Amelia looked over at the girl hugging the wall. She was pretty enough, if a little fuller than the current prevailing taste. But hideously dressed. She sported too many freckles to be truly ladylike, and the half-smile she gave to anyone who walked past was too earnest to be fashionable.
Last Season, Amelia would have thought nothing of making some offhand derogatory comment. A flush of hot shame snaked up her neck. Last Season, she hadn’t been a particularly kind person.
Was that why Benedict had pushed her away? Because he saw too much of that person still in her?
She would do better. For him, she wouldbebetter.
“Miss Penelope Ainslie, yes?” Amelia asked. “No mother, no sister, no aunts if I recall correctly.”
“And no sense of style. Her first time in London, and she leaves the house inthat.”
No wonder the poor girl struggled in the sartorial stakes. She’d been raised by men in the country. A lump formed in Amelia’s throat. How incredibly lost Penelope must be feeling. It was a sentiment Amelia had never understood until her life had been upended by a broken carriage wheel. Ironically it was the same feeling that dogged her now, even though she was “home.”
Lost and in the sights of a horrid young lady who needed to be taken down a peg or two. “I do believe your sense of style was somewhat lacking when you first debuted, Lulu. In fact, I seem to remember a highly amusing incident with an abundance of feathers.”
Luella’s cheeks flushed.
“Didn’t it take two weeks of lessons and three trips to High Street before you stepped out in anything presentable? How grateful you must be that I rescued you from irrelevance.”
There was a collective gasp from the girls around them, followed by utter silence as they waited for Luella’s response.
But while she might have capitulated earlier, there was no surrender this time. “We may all have looked up to you once, Amelia. But that was before you debased yourself. There’s another queen bee now.”
Heads swiveled in Amelia’s direction, eager for a response to the attempted social coup.
It was all rather sad, actually. None of these girls had any real sense of what really mattered in life. Benedict had shown her. He’d seen a kinder person in her and had taught her how to be that. He’d encouraged her to pursue work with the firm that had real meaning.
What other man would offer his wife a partnership in his business? Benedict’s support had allowed her to make herself a better person.
What on earth am I doing back here?
Returning to London had been a mistake. Even if he wanted nothing more to do with her, she could still have found a more productive, worthwhile life to live. She’d been naïve to think she could slip back into her old ways and be fulfilled.
Amelia took Luella’s hand and squeezed it affectionately. They had, after all, been friends at one point. “You’re welcome to the hive, Lulu. I hope it brings you joy.”
Luella’s eyes widened before narrowing suspiciously. “Just like that?”
