Jisoo Kang was her frenemy at church growing up. They were the same age and, at one point, inseparable. But being constantly compared to each other by all the adults throughout the years made it impossible not to drive an awkward wedge between the two of them. Julia could crush her competition in the marketplace. But she always felt a little smaller and less-than next to Jisoo in life. Jisoo was a doctor, had a nose job, and apparently now, was getting married. The perfect Korean daughter.
“Look, he’s very handsome,” Aunt Sharon said. A phone was passed to Julia. The man on the screen standing next to Jisoo was tall and good-looking. “Her parents set her up. He’s an engineer and sings in the choir at their church.”
“Julia, if you want, I’m sure we could all help you find someone too,” Aunt Janet offered.
“Um, yeah, no thanks, I’m good,” she said. “I’m really too busy with work these days.”
“But you’rethirtyand stillsingle,” someone said.
And there it was. Just like at the investor meeting. Just like she knew would happen here. Julia’s age and relationship status used as accusations against her to prove that she’d fallen short somehow. No celebration of her accomplishments before hitting thirty. No acknowledgment of what she’d been able to build by this age.
Just that one box she hadn’t been able to tick that seemed to outvalue everything else.
Julia closed her eyes, trying to gain composure. She’d spent all that money on gift bags, and they hadn’t even bought her way through dinner.
“Julia-ya, come talk to me,” her halmoni said. Her grandmother got up slowly and lifted her chin toward the bottle of makgeolli Julia had brought. They were sneaking off to throw a couple back.
Julia grabbed two mini wooden bowls from the kitchen and the bottle of cloudy rice wine and followed her halmoni to the living room. She sat down next to her grandmother and opened the bottle. Using her left hand to support her right arm as she poured, the Korean formal way of sharing a drink with someone older, Julia filled their small bowls. She turned her face away slightly from her grandmother as the two of them quickly drank their first shots of the sweet but strong alcohol.
When they finished, Julia started the process over again, pouring them their second round.
“Julia,” her grandmother said, wiping her mouth with her sleeve, “it’s my dying wish for you to find a nice man and get married.”
Julia began coughing uncontrollably, makgeolli going down all the wrong pipes. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
Her grandmother lifted a shoulder in shrug, unbothered, as if she hadn’t just dropped a bomb on Julia.
She reached out and grabbed her halmoni’s hands. They felt warm like they always had.
“You’re not—” she swallowed the fear of the word “—sick, are you?”
Halmoni squeezed her hands back. “They found something.”
They found something.Julia replayed the words in her head again to make sense of it and what it could mean. The cold of panic made her numb and singularly focused on what she could do to make this okay. “What do you mean,they found something? Who? What did they find? Was it the doctor? What did he say?”
Her grandmother held out her bowl, nodding at the makgeolli bottle, expecting a refill.
Julia pushed the bowl down gently. “Halmoni, focus. Tell me exactly what they said. What is going on?”
Halmoni shrugged, but then let out a deep breath through her nose. “I don’t know all the details. I didn’t understand a lot of the big American words the doctor was saying—”
“Wait, you went to the doctor by yourself? Mom or Dad didn’t go with you? And you didn’t have an interpreter? Halmoni!”
“Julia, I don’t need anyone to go with me. The doctor took some pictures. They said they found something. I have to go back for more tests—”
“When? I’m going with you,” Julia asserted. She would take care of this. She would figure out what was happening and then get the best care for her grandmother that money could buy.
“We’ll talk about that later. But listen to me, Julia, this is more important. When I heard this news, it made me think. I’ve lived a long life. And there’s only one thing left that I want. And that is to see you find a partner, to be happy.”
Julia groaned, dropped her head to her chest, and closed her eyes. Impossible. Her friends were right. Her grandmother was the one person she could not saynoto. The one she never wanted to disappoint. “Halmoni, let’s not talk about that now. It’s not important. Plus, you know how busy I am with work. Don’t worry, Iamhappy. I don’t need a partner for that.”
“Julia, you’re always so focused on work. And all the rest of your time and energy and money is spent worrying about the family. You need someone to support you, to be there for you, to love you. Your company is growing very fast. And your parents and I aren’t getting any younger. I don’t want you to get too busy and work so hard only to one day look around and realize that you’re alone.”
Her grandmother’s words pierced her... they penetrated deep down to a place kept far from the light of day. A place where Julia hid her own fears that she’d end up exactly as her grandmother described. Alone.
Was she right? Would Julia sacrifice everything to make Starlight a success only to one day look around and see everyone in her life had passed or moved on, and she was left with just her work and no one to celebrate her accomplishments with?
“Halmoni, it’s okay. This iswhyI’m so focused. I need, and want, to be successful, to take care of you and the family,” Julia said. “Plus, it’s not like I can just snap my fingers and find someone to marry. These things take time, so you have to live a lot longer, okay? No more talk about...” Julia couldn’t even get the word out. Her grandmother was not dying. She wouldn’t allow it.
