“It’s not a lie,” Sonia insisted. “Youhavehad a long-term relationship with Bob, your Battery Operated Boyfriend. Get it?”
“So we’re sexualizing dad jokes now. Is that what we’ve become?” Rachel’s voice was laced with mockery, but her smile gave her away. She’d be the first to laugh at all of Sonia’s dad jokes.
“I’m not faking a boyfriend,” Julia said. “I’m knee-deep in this next wave for Starlight. I have no time for any boyfriends, fake or real. Plus, I shouldn’t have to fake it. What’s the big deal? I’m single at thirty. You’d think, the way some people see it, I’ve committed a crime against humanity or something.”
“We’re supposed tohave it allby now,” Rachel said, dramatic air quotes punctuating her eye roll.
“According to whose standards? It’s such an antiquated notion that having it all looks the same for everyone and means the same thing as it has for generations,” Julia responded.
“Fair point,” Sonia said. “But what’s with the sudden existential crisis?”
Julia shrugged. “I’ve just given up on dating.”
“Uh-oh. Who was it this time, and what happened?” Rachel asked.
Julia let out the deepest breath. This was supposed to be an impromptu celebration of her accomplishments with friends. She downed the dregs of her champagne from the plastic cup, swallowed her pride along with it, and let it out.
“I finally gave in and went out with that commercial real-estate guy from Malibu.”
“The one who was on the reality TV show?” Sonia asked.
Julia held back the groan.
“And?” Rachel nudged.
“You both know how it is. I’m awkward with people. I have no social skills, which translates badly to any dating situation.” She shrugged. “I told him he looked different in person than on TV.”
The pained expression on her friends’ faces confirmed what Julia suspected: It had been the wrong thing to say.
“Which led him to feel the need to share his entire history of body dysmorphia and then ended with him telling me I’m undateable.”
Silence.
Rachel elbowed Sonia.
“Well, that’s just nonsense,” Sonia sputtered. “You’re not undateable. You’re perfect,”
“Let’s not lie to the girl. Undateable, no. But, there is no denying you’re awful at the art of dating.” Rachel, ever the realist. “Remember that time you told the guy who showed up in a bowling shirt that Charlie Sheen wanted his wardrobe back?”
“He was doused in Drakkar Noir like he’d just walked out of the nineties. He was asking for it.” The three of them met each other with matching eye rolls.
“And remember how she madeTheNew York Timesbest-selling author cry when she admitted she couldn’t get past the second chapter—”
“And when that founder got all defensive because she called his Patagonia vest and Allbirds sneakersstart-up chic—”
“Okay, so not my finest moments, I’ll admit,” Julia said. “Men are so sensitive these days.”
“But in your defense, some of these guys were turkeys. The hedge-fund guy who came back from Burning Man and decided to give up showering?” A shudder ran through Rachel’s body, her face scrunched up as if she smelled something bad. And she wasn’t evenatthat date.
“Well, as fun as this trip down memory lane has been, I don’t have the time or energy right now to worry about fragile feelings or inflated egos. So I’m a lot to handle, too much for most people. I’ve accepted that. My coach told me I should be honest with myself about my strengths and weaknesses. Strength: I am kick-ass at business. Weakness: I’m terrible at small talk, fake niceties, and awkward social interactions—basically dating, in a nutshell.”
“Wait, yourPilatescoach told you that?” Sonia asked.
Julia stared at the absurdity of the question. Granted, she did have a lot of coaches in her life. So many that evenshegot them mixed up sometimes.
“Plus, I’m trying to get my parents set up financially so I can talk them into finally retiring. I’m looking to hire a driver for my grandma so she’ll stop trying to do it herself. I have a family that I need to take care of. And a business that requires all my time and focus. Not a lot of guys out there find my kind of baggage sexy.”
She thought about her halmoni, once owner of the largest apothecary back in Korea before marrying her grandfather and becoming a farmer’s wife. And Julia’s mom, a successful engineer, married her dad and now worked at their dry cleaners. She wasn’t judging their choices. In fact, it was, in part, because of their sacrifices that Julia was the successful woman she was today. She was doing all of this as much for them as she was because of them.
