“It’s just, um, a friendly coffee that, um, turned into a late lunch because my assistant forgot to remind me to eat during lunchtime. Not that I need an assistant to do that. I just sometimes get lost in my work. And Tae was in the area to see about a kimchi fridge and help with the remodel. It was just a coincidence that we ended up here at this small table for two with food,” Julia said.
Tae knew Julia to be direct. And according to her, almost painfully so. So what was with the rambling? Did running into Jisoo again bring up some painful feelings that made her lose her composure? Or was it the thought of being caught out in public with Tae and having someone possibly misread the situation that was a fate worse than death? Tae wanted to understand what was happening right now, but he was, frankly, a little hurt.
What was her issue?
“Oh, okay.” Jisoo gave an awkward smile, turned an apologetic eye to Tae, and waved as she went to sit with her friends.
“Was that necessary?” Tae asked, slightly annoyed.
Julia’s shoulders slumped, and she squeezed her eyes shut. “I have no idea what just happened there. For some reason I was terrified Jisoo was gonna ask about my setups. And I just panicked. I suddenly felt like I was eighteen again, being told that Jisoo won valedictorian and prom queen, and I was just sitting at home eating Oreos.”
“If I recall correctly, Jisoo was neither valedictorian nor prom queen,” Tae corrected her.
“I know. It just always felt like whatever she did was better than anything I did. And now... she’s shopping for wedding gowns.”
“Well, I’m sorry she caught us together and got the wrong idea,” he said.
Julia’s eyes turned to Tae. “I’m so sorry. You know it’s not like that. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m out of sorts, I guess. It’s the whole turning-thirty thing, paired with the not-being-married thing, with the is-my-grandma-dying-or-not thing. Punctuated by the why-is-it-anyone’s-business thing. It’s been... a lot.”
Tae took in all that was Julia Song in front of him. Her long black hair and sideswept bangs. Her small, yet expressive features surprisingly not overshadowed by her big, doelike eyes. Her thin neck and usually perfect posture. And her humongous, impressivebrain. What made a woman like this so guilt-ridden by old, traditional ways of thinking?
Tae had his own issues about his perceived failures. He had dropped out of college to come help his dad with his landscaping business after his first diagnosis and ended up in Chicago working at a middle-management job that bored him and didn’t let him do the one thing he liked doing: working with his hands to fix things. All of this while everyone else around him flourished. He was the dull knife in a drawer full of Ginsus.
But his mother had never given him shit about it. She just let him figure it out on his own, trusted him to make his own decisions about what was best for him. He had yet to come through on that, though. All his decisions seemed to be the wrong ones. She was as untraditional a Korean mom as it got when it came to raising Tae. Maybe Tae could use more pressure from his mom to force him to make some better choices. But, looking at Julia now, he wasn’t sure he should be wishing for such a thing.
“Julia, don’t do this to yourself. You’re amazing. I respect the hell out of you, not only for what you’ve accomplished but also for selflessly agreeing to these setups to make your grandmother happy. I just hope it doesn’t come at the cost of your own happiness.”
Wise words. Tae wondered where he fit on this happiness spectrum.
Julia’s vulnerable eyes looked up at Tae. She was searching his: for what, he couldn’t tell. “Thank you,” she said. “I needed that.”
Tae wanted to tell her he’d always be on her side. But he kept that to himself. He didn’t want her thinking he was interested in any way other than a friend wanting to help. She was way out of his league, and he was not delusional.
“You’re sweet,” Julia said.
“Oh God.Sweet, the kiss of death,” Tae groaned.
“I thoughtnicewas the kiss of death,” Julia said.
“It’s been dethroned bysweet.”
“Well, you’re cute too. Does that help?” Julia teased.
“No,cuteis almost as awful. God, Julia, your compliments are the worst.”
Julia laughed. “Well, at least I didn’t comment on your clothes.”
“What’s wrong with my clothes?” he asked.
“Nothing... I’m just known for—”
“Making men cry. You told me.” He chuckled.
“I’m doomed, Tae. This will never work,” she said, dropping her head in her hands.
“Jules, listen. Like I said before, this doesn’t have to be miserable. We’ll have fun practicing just being social. And, well, it’ll give us a chance to spend some time together. We have some catching up to do. It’s just three dates. Give it a chance and see how it goes, okay?”
Tae truly hoped it would all be as easy as he was making it out to be. She didn’t look like the type of person that handled failure well.
