“What? Shit. Maybe we’re going to need Sonia after all.”
“Oh, and he said I was ‘too much’.”
“Fuck.” Rachel’s one-word reaction said it all.
Julia closed her eyes and dropped her head. The shame and embarrassment magnified in the light of day. She couldn’t handle seeing the look of pity on her friend’s face. She swallowed the lump in her throat and fought back the tears.
“Are you sure this isn’t some sort of misunderstanding? This really doesn’t sound like something Tae would do,” Rachel said.
“I thought that too. But honestly, doesn’t it? He would help anyone who asked him in that Korean community. Imagine him trying to say no to my grandmother. Him. Her. I can absolutely see how this went down.”
“Okay, but that’s different. Being kind and agreeing to help an elder is one thing. And it’s not the worst thing. It could be kinda cute actually. Sweet.” Rachel was not the type to bring up the sweet side of things. Nice try.
Julia pulled piping-hot noodles into her mouth. She didn’t blow on them first. She didn’t proceed with caution. She wanted to feel the sharp sting of the burn in her mouth.
This was why she wanted to be alone. She didn’t want to relive it all by having to tell the story to her friends and have them try to make her feel better. There was no feeling better about this. There was no bright side.
She squirted more hot sauce into her broth. Spicier. More pain.
“You trying to punish yourself with spicy butt later?” Rachel asked.
Julia rolled her eyes at Rachel.
“He doesn’t want me back, Rachel. He doesn’t want me at all.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna call bullshit on that one. I’ve seen you two together. I’ve heard him talk about you. It’s there. He’s just too messed up in his head to go for it. I find it fascinating how you both think you’re undateable but can’t figure out that you’re undateable to other people because you’re the most dateable for each other.”
“Rachel, please, stop. I get that you want the happy ending for me, but it’s not gonna happen. Not with Tae, at least. You didn’t see him. He was mad, and then hurt, and then defeated. I couldn’t keep up with all those emotions. He mentioned money. Us being on two different levels because of it. He mentioned not wanting to pay me back, which confused me since he never let me pay for anything, even on our practice dates.” God, Julia hated the topic of money. It brought out the worst in people.
“That’s weird,” Rachel noted.
“Yeah, I kinda pieced it together. I think someone paid off his dad’s medical bills, and he assumed it was me. But Tae never asks for help. He neverletsanyone help him, especially when it comes to his family. It’s like he considers it a mark of failure.”
“Huh. Sounds like someone else I know,” Rachel said, staring directly at Julia.
“Knowing this, I wouldn’t just cross the line he’s drawn and force my help on him.”
“So who do you think did it?”
“I don’t know. The church maybe? I absolutely would have if he had asked me. And I’m glad someone came through to help them. But I get how he would feel shitty about someone doing it without talking to him first. Sadly, he thought that someone was me. And it wasn’t. But worst of all, he said he had nothing to give me. Rachel, I’ve never asked him for anything. I just wanted to be with him—however, whenever. I swear.” Julia didn’t know why she was so desperate to have someone believe her.
“I know, honey. I know you, remember? That’s not your style. But I think I know Tae too, and this doesn’t sound like his style either. He would never purposely hurt you. Ever. Tae had to have had his reasons, Julia.”
But it did hurt.
When Julia was little and had a headache, her halmoni would press between Julia’s thumb and forefinger, her pressure point, to make it go away. “Acupressure, it’s called,” she told Julia. “Eastern medicine’s way of healing.” It sounded mystical, and Julia was in awe enough that she put up with the excruciating pain in order to be healed. But then her grandmother burst her bubble by continuing. “It’s a crock of shit. It’s just bigger pain to make you forget the other pain. But the human mind wants to believe what it will. How’s your headache?”
It worked on Julia then.
Was that what her grandma was doing by hiring Tae? The pain of betrayal much bigger so she’d forget the pain of being single and alone?
The human mind wants to believe what it will. Did Julia believe that there was someone, Tae, who finally loved her as she was and could handle her?
Crock of shit.
She’d vacillated between hurt and anger all day. And right now, anger was rearing its ugly head.
“I don’t blame him for taking the job from my grandmother. He claims he wasn’t going to take payment, but honestly, he needs money. And we were friends. Easy job to hang out with your friend, right?”
