I almost don’t say anything, but then I hear myself say, “Few people know the whole story.”
He hesitates. “Would you tellmethe story?”
His question brings an unexpected weight pressing down on me, but I breathe it away as I pet Theo again. I can’t be honest, even though Simon makes me want to.
“I guess—sometimes it feels like I’m living someone else’s life. Does that make sense?
Seconds tick by as he looks at me, not just seeing but reallylooking, like he’s trying to peel back every layer. I turn my attention to Theo, so I don’t instantly regret what I just said.
“It does make sense,” he soon answers, “and I often feel the same way.”
My eyes flick up to find his. “How so?”
Simon resettles Theo in his arms. “I was originally a second son. I had an older brother. Everyone loved him. Even me. They say second sons are always jealous of their elder brother, but I never was. I liked things as they were. Neville basked in the expectations that were set out for him, and I was left to my own devices. He was meant to come to court, and I was to be a soldier.”
“Did you want to be a soldier?” I ask.
Simon gently places Theo on the grass between us. “Not quite.”
“Why not?” Theo starts nibbling on the edge of my dress, and I move the material back and forth for him to catch it as I go on. “Soldiering seems like something you would be good at it.”
He starts to smile, but it quickly falls. “I’ve seen the fear in men’s eyes when they face me. And the aftermath of what I’ve done to them in a joust.” A flicker of something unreadable passes through his eyes—not quite regret, but close—before he pulls a strand of grass out of the ground and rubs it between his fingers. “I don’t have a taste for it.”
I place Theo back in my lap. “Why did you even start to do it, then? The jousts, I mean?”
“My father believed that doing anything else would be a waste of my strength. And disagreeing with him was... an unpleasant experience. It was also what brought me to favor with the king.” His voice dips when he mentions his father, and I notice as his jaw tenses.
My eyes meet his, and I inadvertently shift forward a little. “What happened to your brother? If you don’t mind my asking?”
“A riding accident,” he answers. “Neville recovered at first, but then he fell ill, and he was gone within a week. It never felt right for me to take his place. I wasn’t loved as he was. I wasn’t bred for a life at court.” He pauses before going on. “That’s another reason why the king shows me favor. He said we’re both living our brothers’ lives, and that makes us alike.”
Henry lost an older brother, too? I make a mental note as Simon’s words make me think of Henry’s relationship with the other courtiers who serve him. Does he have little hidden connections to all of them? For the most part, the courtiers seem to be strong young men, full of life and promise. It would make more sense for Henry to push these reminders of his past away, but he chooses to keep them close. They’re mirror images of what’s gone for him—what he’s so desperately trying to get back.
“Do you think you have a lot in common with the king?” I ask him next.
“Not so much as he believes.” When I glance up, I catch Simon looking at me. He’s unapologetic. He doesn’t turn away. “But perhaps we do have some commonalities.”
I shift my eyes back to Theo, my pulse jumping. “You mean me?” My chest tightens as I wait for his answer.
“I should like to learn more about you,” Simon says.
I take a breath and lean back, mirroring Simon’s stance as he keeps his weight on his hands in the grass behind him. “What would you like to learn?”
“Ideally, everything.” My hand slips a little, but I don’t think he catches it. No guy has ever wanted to learn everything about me before. It’s a strange sensation to move through, and more enjoyable than I predicted.
“I like talking to people,” I say after a few seconds. “And being there for someone at the right time, when they might not have anyone else to be themselves with. And I especially like to see someone realize that they’re stronger than they thought.”
I may have just described the best aspects of my job instead of talking about myself, but Simon’s smile is warm. It keeps me at ease, until I remember that I’m supposed to be the aspiring psychologist here, not him.
“Tell me about you,” I swiftly counter.
Simon sits forward, moving his hand down between us, and Theo immediately lunges over to gnaw at it. “If it were up to me, I’d be outside with horses all day. And dogs.”
Theo starts tracking Simon’s hand as he moves it from spot to spot, and I can’t help my answering grin when he eventually pounces on it. “I can see that,” I tell him. “Is that why the king picked you to bring me Theo?”
“Most likely,” Simon answers. “The king saw me tame a spooked horse in the midst of a hunt once, and now he relies on me for all things animal related. And for anything requiring brute strength, of course.”
“Of course.”
