Matt slowly nods, but it’s clear he doesn’t agree. A silence stretches between us, frail and awkward until I speak again. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I made the right choice, but it’s too late to change my mind now so hopefully everything will turn out well. If it doesn’t, I’m screwed.”
Matt steps forward again, placing his hands on my shoulders and giving them a rub. “Of course it will turn out well. It’ll be great. It’ll be great because you’re the one making it.”
“Thanks,” I tell him, leaning in and giving him a quick kiss. “Now, I need to go because I have a ton to do.”
“You’re going to work now?” he asks, looking at the digital clock beside his bed. “Aren’t you tired?”
“No rest for the wicked.” I flash him a grin, giving him another kiss before I step around him and head for the door. I’m only a couple of steps away when he gently catches my hand in his.
“Violet,” he says, drawing me around to look at him once again. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m more than okay,” I answer.
Matt continues to hold my closed-up hand, brushing his thumb over my knuckles. “And areweokay?” he asks a little nervously.
Now I start to feel bad. I’m stressed about my designs and I’m projecting that on to him and that isn’t fair.
“We’re very okay,” I assure him. “I’m sorry if I seem frazzled. I’m just nervous about the competition.”
He pulls me in for a hug and I can’t help but lean into it, allowing myself to be soothed by his embrace until I gradually pull away.
“Thank you for the snuggle therapy,” I tell him, feeling calmer. More balanced. “And now I really have to get to work.”
“Of course,” he says. “If you need any help or moral support, just let me know.”
“I’ll keep you posted.”
He gives my hand a final squeeze and I head for the door, closing it behind me as I go out. A few seconds later I’m almost out of the hallway when Holly suddenly appears on the landing, pausing when she sees me.
“Hey,” I call out with a smile. She doesn’t return it and a sinking feeling starts tugging in my stomach.
“Hey,” she answers. She hasn’t moved since she saw me and so I travel the distance to reach her, joining her on the landing. “How was your weekend?” she asks.
I tighten my hold on my fabric bag and try to ignore the fact that my hands are getting clammy. There’s no avoiding this conversation. She knows and she knows that I know.
“It was fun,” I tell her. “I didn’t expect to get back so late, but thankfully we made it.”
“We,” she says quietly. “We, meaning you and Matt?”
There’s a distance to her eyes that looks familiar. It’s been gone for the past few weeks, but it’s back now. I need to make it go away.
“Yes, Matt and I went to Capri together. I should have told you that something was starting between us earlier, but you and I were finally getting closer, and I didn’t want you to be mad at me. I know that you think me getting involved with him is a conflict of interest, but I promise, it’s not what you think.”
Holly looks at her feet before returning her gaze to mine. “It’s fine,” she says, sounding more sad than angry. “What you do with your life is your business, not mine. We’re hardly even friends. You don’t owe me anything.” Her disappointment kills me more than her rage ever could. My insides turn in a sickening way and I don’t know how to fix it.
“I don’t want to go back to how things were. You have to know that I didn’t start things up with Matt because I’m trying to get some secret edge in the contest. I would never do that. And Matt’s mom doesn’t even know that we’re sort of seeing each other, so it’s not going to impact the competition at all.”
Holly shakes her head with a downcast smile. “I doubt it. If I could figure out that you and Matt liked each other, I’m sure his mom could see it, too.”
“You knew?” I ask timidly.
“I had a feeling about it. I just hoped that I was wrong.”
She walks past me without saying anything else, but I can’t leave things as they are. “Holly, wait.” She stops but doesn’t turn around to face me. I keep talking. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you the truth from the beginning. I didn’t mean to get involved with Matt, but it just happened. I never meant to hurt you.”
She turns around and I know the battle is lost. You can tell when someone doesn’t forgive you, and it’s excruciatingly clear that Holly doesn’t forgive me.
“Don’t worry about it,” she says, her voice sounding vacant and detached. “I’m used to people telling me what I want to hear for their own benefit. This isn’t anything new.”
