He isn’t wrong. I do wish I could be a little more optimistic about everything, but given my track record, a hopeful perspective doesn’t always serve me well. In fact, it almost ruined me.
“It does get tiring,” I agree, “but in the end, I’d rather be tired than heartbroken.”
Matt stays quiet for a second, taking in my reply before saying, “I guess I’d agree with you on that.”
He stops moving, and I swim closer. Entering his orbit for the first time. “Is that why you have a no-contact policy with exes? You’re afraid of getting disappointed twice?”
“That’s one way to think of it,” he says. “Though it’s more likely that I’m just a bad person. You had me pegged from the beginning.”
That’s his mask talking. I didn’t recognize it before, but now I do.
“And what if my opinion of you is starting to change?”
There are only a few feet between us, yet I find myself moving toward him again—an invisible current pushing me forward. I stop myself when we’re just a foot apart, but Matt reaches for me under the water, gripping my hips and pulling me all the way into him. We’re chest to chest and my legs instinctively wrap around his waist as my arms drape around his neck. This has to be wrong, but I don’t care. It’s just the right amount of quiet now. All I hear is our mingled breathing and the soft splashes of the water around us.
“If your opinion of me is starting to change, I’d tell you to be careful.”
His words catch me off guard, and I lean away slightly as my eyes remain fixed on his. “Why would you do that?” I ask.
Matt holds me just a little bit tighter. “Because I don’t like many people, but I do like you. And if you’re thinking that I’m going to be the one to end this first, you’re going to find yourself disappointed, after all.”
My heart stops for a second then comes back swinging. Beating too hard, almost out of my chest. It should scare me. It should make me move away. Far away.
I move in closer. Hold him tighter.
“We both know that this is a huge mistake, right?” My voice is low even though no one’s here to hear us.
“I’m aware,” he answers.
“But you’re still not going to stop?”
He slowly shakes his head. His fingers drift from my hips to trace along the outside of my thighs. “Are you?”
I shake my head in return, saying nothing. His fingers are still moving, sliding this way and that, barely touching me, but I’ve never felt anything more. I’ve never wanted to feel anything more. I suck in a disjointed breath when they shift to my bottom. There’s only one way we could be closer than we are now and my eyes almost blink closed when I start to think about it.
His arms are fully encircling me now and I don’t stop him. I wiggle nearer. I consider offering up some witty comment, but as it turns out, we’re done with talking. Matt’s lips catch mine and in his own way, he tells me what I need to know. He wants me. He wants this. Nothing exists but the feel of his mouth—his tongue—his hands that don’t stop moving. I forget everything else outside of him. My constant worries about work. The contest. My uncertain future. All of it evaporates into a weightless fog that floats up and away until it’s gone. All that matters is the rush Matt is giving me, and all I’m concerned about is getting more.
We’re in the dead center of the pool but I wish we were against a wall. A door. Anything. I want to feel his hips push against me and I want to push back. Matt clearly wants the same thing because I start to feel us floating toward the side of the pool. It isn’t long until I get the pressure I’m after, and my head falls back a bit when Matt’s mouth moves to my neck, nipping and licking and this time, my eyes do drift closed. But when they open again, my gaze catches a light from the top of the hotel, and it makes me remember where we are and the not so fun fact that we’re not in as private of a location as I originally thought.
“Hey,” I say half-heartedly, already despising what I’m about to do even though I know I have to do it. “I think we should go somewhere else. We shouldn’t do this here.”
Matt instantly stops, his head shifting up from the nape of my neck to look at me. His pupils are dilated and he’s breathing heavy and the thought of untangling my legs from around his waist makes me want to die, but it also has to happen.
“It’s just that I made a long list of goals for myself this year but being one half of a leaked hotel security sex tape isn’t one of them.”
Matt takes a shaky breath, nodding briskly even as his eyes look pained. “You’re right. I’m so sorry. I got carried away.” He takes a calming breath, and I can’t help but smile at it. “I promise I didn’t bring you here for this.”
“I didn’t think you did,” I tell him. “But you can take me home for it.”
His eyes snap to mine at my words, and my belly flips in delicious anticipation. Of all the many mistakes I’ve made, Matt might turn out to be my favorite.
Back at the apartment building and up the antique elevator, Matt and I are now in the hallway leading to the front door. I thought we would be frantic, but we’re the opposite of that. We’re walking slow. We’re stealing glances. We’re holding hands. We know what’s about to happen and it feels like every inch of my skin is tingling in the slow-burn knowledge.
I’m the first to reach the door and Matt only just untangles his fingers from mine. After pulling out my key, I unlock the door. A lazy grin is still on my face as I step inside and almost walk directly into Marco and Holly. With zero chill and even less hesitation, I slam the door shut behind me like my life depends on it.
“Hey! You guys scared me.” Farewell, sensual calmness. Hello, bloodcurdling fear. I hear a faint grunt from the other side of the door, and it’s entirely possible that I just smashed Matt’s nose or toes or all of the above.
“Hi,” Holly says carefully, taking in my jumpy state. “Are you okay?”
