When Roshni slips into the studio a couple of hours later, she finds me on the floor with Ollie. He’s on his pillows, and I’m beside him. The sunlight pouring in from the windows feels almost too warm on the back of my head.
“Hey,” she says gently, closing the door behind her.
I continue to pet Ollie but offer her as good a smile as I can muster. “Hey, lady.”
She sits down across from me, the three of us now forming a tight-knit circle. “Are we having a meeting of the minds?”
I laugh, but it feels hollow. Nothing is right today.
“I guess you can say that,” I answer. “Ollie and I are leaving this afternoon. I hope the plane ride won’t be too rough for him.”
Roshni doesn’t say anything, but she does nod. I go on. “I think he’ll like New York. I can move some of my furniture around to make more space for him. And a friend of a friend of mine is dating a dog walker, so maybe I can get some kind of discount.”
“That would be good,” Roshni replies, leaning forward to pet Ollie herself.
I look around the room, finding his things that I’ve now bunched together on the small kitchen table. Juliette basically bought him everything, so I’m only keeping the bare minimum—just his leash and the travel case I got him myself.
“There is, however, another option,” Roshni suddenly says. “So, this is kind of awkward, but Juliette talked to me a few minutes ago. She knew I was coming down to see you, and she assumed you both would be leaving today. She asked me to tell you that if you were open and comfortable with the idea, she would be more than happy to keep Ollie.”
My eyes dart up to hers and for a second, I think I must have misheard her. “She wants to keep Ollie?” I repeat back to her.
“She says she’s going to stay in England for a while. For at least a year. She says she knows you work long hours and that if you want her to, she would adopt him in a second. And if you ever change your mind down the road, she’ll bring him back to you, no questions asked.”
“But she...” My words fail me as I attempt to gather my thoughts. “She’s never taken care of another living thing in her life, and all of a sudden she wants Ollie?”
“It seems like it,” Roshni says with a small shrug. “I know she loves him. But remember, this is completely up to you. Whatever you decide, I support you one thousand percent.”
My mind flashes to every moment Juliette and Ollie have spent together. Their first meeting was cute. Their next one, even more so. A gentle friendship followed. Soon she started to spoil him. And then there was obvious love.
I look at Roshni, and she gazes sympathetically back at me. I pull Ollie into my lap and breathe in his smell, focusing all my concentration on remembering exactly what it feels like to run my fingers through his coat. I think of what his life would be with Juliette compared to what it would be with me. He won’t be holed up in my tiny six-floor walk-up. He won’t spend the majority of his day alone. He won’t get scared when my lunatic neighbors have their screaming matches at two in the morning. He’s going to be the prince of Juliette’s castle and life and I know he’s going to be happy.
I pull him closer. There’s a painful lump in my throat, but I force myself to speak. “I guess she can adopt him,” I tell Roshni. Ollie goes up on his back paws and places the front ones against my chest. It’s sweet and it’s magical and through it all, I feel like I’m being ripped apart. “What do you think, buddy? You want to go upstairs and see Juliette?”
Ollie springs off me with an excited leap, running to the door, where he eagerly wags his tail. Dear god, this hurts.
“Are you sure?” Roshni asks. I nod my head and stand up as she does the same, helping me to gather up Ollie’s belongings from the table. “Can you please just hang out here and come home with me in a couple of days? Juliette won’t be on the flight with us anymore since she decided to stay.”
“I can’t. I already booked my flight. I’m off to the airport in a few hours.”
Roshni groans in acceptance. “Fine. But dinner in the city when I get back?”
“Of course.” That seems to appease her, and seconds later, we’re both standing beside the door. I pass her the bulk of Ollie’s things and try and fail to suppress the panic that’s steadily building inside me. Roshni looks at me as if she knows.
“I’ll just bring these upstairs and then come back for the big guy. Unless you want to bring him up yourself?” I shake my head, since speaking doesn’t feel possible, and sit back on the floor as soon as she exits. Ollie looks at me expectantly, and I can’t hold it in anymore. I let every tear fall as I drop my head, bringing my face close to his as guilty agony threatens to engulf me.
“I love you, Ollie,” I somehow manage. “I really wish I could keep you, but I know that would be selfish of me.”
He nuzzles his face against mine, and I wipe my eyes and cheeks as I try to get a grip on myself.
“I really do think you’re going to like living with Juliette. Yes, she’s a pain, but I know she’ll take such good care of you. You won’t ever have to be lonely. I bet she’ll take you everywhere with her even if they don’t allow dogs. She’ll make them make an exception for you.”
Ollie once again gets excited at the mention of Juliette’s name, and it’s in that moment that I know I’m making the right choice.
I hear Roshni at the door then—it’s a soft knock, but it almost makes me topple over. Time for goodbye. I cup Ollie’s perfect face in my hands and gently rub under his chin.
“You’ll always be my favorite boy, okay? I’m going to think about you all the time. Even if me and Juliette aren’t talking right now, I’ll find ways to check on you. I’ll get Liam to turn Isabelle into my spy. And I’ll send you gifts and treats every Christmas and on our anniversary of finding each other.”
I stop talking then and just take in the sight of him. No dog will ever have my heart like he does.
