I reach into my pocket and hold the napkin out to her. She looks at it but doesn’t take it.
“I reached out to Paul because I wanted to make you happy. I thought if I...”
“You thought what?” Juliette says, cutting me off. “You thought digging into my past and discovering the main character in my most painful memory was the way to bring us closer? That it would finally give you the unconditional love and acceptance that you’re so obviously desperate for?”
Her words physically knock the wind out of me, and for a second, I wonder if I might black out.
“I’m sorry I said that,” she immediately murmurs. “I didn’t mean it.”
I see the vulnerable Juliette now—the one that always pulls me in. But there’s no kindness waiting to greet her this time, and I hope she can feel it in her bones.
“Oh no, I think you did mean it. Because now, more than ever, it’s become painfully obvious that you never really cared about me at all.” My voice cracks as I speak. In my heart of hearts, I know my words aren’t true, but I’m furious enough to say them anyways. “All you ever cared about is that I was your goofy sidekick that was forever available to do your bidding. In all the years we worked together, not once did you ever think of how you could help me. You couldn’t even be bothered to read my play.”
“I told you I’d read it when we got back to New York!”
“After I’ve been begging you to read it for years!” I fire back with painful acceptance. “And you only agreed to read it now because I was willing to pimp myself out for the sake of your writing.”
Juliette grimaces, my words seeming to hit their mark as she takes an erratic kind of breath.
“I didn’t read it because I was afraid. If I read it and I didn’t like it, it would have hurt you. If I read it and I did like it, then you’d start submitting it to places, and you’d end up leaving me. Nothing good was ever going to come from me reading it.”
“You mean nothing good foryou,” I amend. “I barely know Ellie and she read my work and offered me amazing, generous feedback. She actually wants to prop up the people around her. And do you know why she does that? Because she’s completely unselfish and unthreatened by the potential success of someone younger than her. She’s the opposite of you. Actually, she’s the person you wish you were.”
Juliette’s chin starts to quiver as she absorbs my words for several seconds. The real her is still here. Not the untouchable writer she presents to the world, but the unedited version of herself. That’s who I want to talk to—who I need to talk to if we’re going to survive this. But a split second later, her head tilts up the slightest bit, and she blinks her tears away. It’s in that moment that I understand the truth—this is going to be the end of us.
“Listen,” she says. “I don’t know how we got here, but this whole conversation feels highly unprofessional.”
My jaw sets in an unforgiving line, and Juliette runs her fingers through her hair with a defeated sigh. “I’m not articulating myself well. Let’s just go home, and we can sort all this out tomorrow after we’ve decompressed.”
She stands there then. Waiting for me to acquiesce to her wishes, because that’s what I do. But this time, I don’t.
“No, let’s sort it out now,” I tell her. “Considering this is a purely professional relationship, you should have no problem with me terminating it. I formally hand in my resignation, effective immediately.”
Juliette’s eyes go wide. I think about leaving it at that, but then step forward, looking at her like the equal that I now know I am.
“Though for the record, you and I both know that our relationship was never professional. You were my best friend. And I’ll admit that sometimes I liked to pretend you were a mom to me, but that’s only because I thought you were funny and brave and actually gave a damn about me. I see now how wrong I was. I see it because in this moment, you’re nothing like my mom. My mom was kind and good, and she put everyone before herself, which is something you’re incapable of. And don’t worry—from here on out, you don’t ever have to consider putting someone else before yourself, because guess what? You’re alone, Juliette. I really hope you enjoy it.”
I throw Paul’s napkin to the ground, not turning back no matter how much I want to. Not even when I hear Juliette desperately calling out my name into the darkness.
23
I wander aimlessly for a few minutes after I leave the park, sticking to crowded areas and bustling streets to keep from getting lost. I eventually catch a taxi, not even sure where I want to go until I hear myself muttering out a familiar address. Ten minutes later, I’m outside Liam’s flat, pressing the intercom button, and Liam tells me he’s coming down. It’s strange how different it is now. Every other time I’ve come to Liam’s building, I was bubbling with excitement. Anxiously awaiting what was about to happen next.
Tonight isn’t one of those nights.
Liam exits the building, looking as tired as I do, muttering a quiet, “Hey,” as he steps out onto the sidewalk beside me. He slowly starts walking, and I follow suit. We’re just rounding the corner when he finally speaks again. “So, is this our old Hollywood movie breakup stroll? Should I be wearing a fedora as we fade away into the mist in opposite directions?”
I get a twist in my stomach as I picture it in my head. Our bittersweet ending where we part ways, grateful for our time together, but ultimately knowing we would never work. A disappointing truth I’m not ready to face.
“I don’t think we need to be quite that dramatic,” I say softly. “Plus, it isn’t even misty out. And I doubt we could rent a fog machine this late.”
“Our last conversation was fairly dramatic,” he counters back.
“One of us may have been slightly more dramatic than the other.”
“And are you referring to me accusing you of adultery despite us not even officially dating? Because I feel I was being very mature in that moment. I’m not sure if you’re aware, but lover’s spats in the street are a telltale sign of personal growth.”
I have to smile despite my lingering sadness. “You do believe that I was telling you the truth, right? That Phillip was just a friend?”
