She pulls her hand back to admire the ring herself before moving to rest it on Ryan’s stomach. I feel the world splitting in two and I want to fall into the gap.
“Thank you so much,” she says sweetly. “We only got engaged a couple weeks ago. We haven’t really told anyone yet. Just our families.”
I think she’s still talking but I can’t make out what she’s saying. I’m so dizzy and I hear this ringing sound and I might cry. I think I should walk away now, out of the room or out of the state.
“Okay, great to meet you but I have to go check on something.”
I turn and leave without another word. Ryan is saying something but it’s so hard to hear him over the ringing in my ears.
Calm down. Focus. Get to the bridal suite. You’ll be all right if you can get to the bridal suite.
I cross the length of the reception hall as the people move past me at an alarming rate. Everyone’s spinning, all in a blur. The music is blaring and I’m sweating.
I hit the hallway and I know I’m almost there. The bridal suite. Quiet. I pass the coat check closet that isn’t in use and open the door that only the bridal elite can open. It closes behind me with a thud.
I look around at the tufted settees and empty champagne glasses and remember all of us sitting in here an hour ago. We toasted Cristina and Jason, and Ryan brushed his knee against mine. No one knew but us.
Oh, we were a secret all right. I had no idea how big of a secret we were.
I move to the center of the white marble floor and turn when the door opens. Ryan. He shuts the door and it feels like a too curious zoo-goer has stepped inside my tiger cage. No one would blame me if I ripped him to pieces.
“Kara.” He’s trying to be calm, but I hear the fear in his voice. It pulls me out of my daze and now I’m focused. Out for blood.
“How long have you been with her?” I ask point-blank. “If you say you’ve been together since we broke up, I think I might actually kill you.”
“No. No, of course not. She got a job on the West Coast right after you and I ended things and we never spoke again after that. We only reconnected a year ago.”
It’s strange. I’ve written about heartbreak for a long time. I’ve used words to dance around it, to flame the fire of pain in my readers to make them connect with a story, but this, what I’m feeling right now...my words never scratched the gory surface.
“Have you been talking to her while you were here? When do you call her, when you take Duke for his walks?”
There’s a long pause. I can feel the color draining from my cheeks.
Ryan nods.
I shake my head and start pacing the room, barely breathing. “I can’t believe I did this. I can’t believe I let this happen all over again.”
“Kara, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I swear I was going to end things with her as soon as I got home. I would have done it over the phone but that seemed wrong since we’re...” His words break off.
“You’re what?” I demand, already knowing what he means. “Go ahead and say it. Say it really loud so you can hear just how big of a dirtbag you are.”
Ryan swallows. “Since we’re engaged.”
Man, this hurts. I might throw up. I need to get out of here. I try to leave but he’s already in front of me, grabbing my wrists. The feel of his hands on me makes me want to claw my skin off. I pull myself out of his grasp and take a step backward.
“I knew I shouldn’t have done this. I knew being with you was wrong, but I didn’t care. This is what I get. This is what needs to happen to people like me.”
Ryan doesn’t say anything. He just stands there. He looks so lost.
“Why did you say all that garbage about wanting to move here and be with me? Were you setting me up?”
“What? No, I would never do that.”
“Yes, you would! You told me that first night after dinner you wanted to. You dreamed about it, remember? Revenge on the girl who dumped you in college. Did it feel as good as you imagined?”
“No! Please listen to me—I’m so sorry for not telling you the truth but you have to understand what things were like with Madison and me. We weren’t madly in love. We didn’t have an elaborate engagement. We were together for less than a year, but she kept talking about how all her friends were married and having kids and that we needed to take the next step. She asked me to marry her, knowing how I felt, and I said okay. I didn’t have a reason not to. She picked that ring out herself.”
“But you bought it for her! You agreed to be engaged.”
