“Two days ago. It was your house line.”
He thinks for a second until something seems to come together in his mind. “If you called the house then that was my sister who picked up. She’s staying with me while her condo gets renovated.”
“Oh.” Yeah, that’s my big comeback. “I thought it was...”
“No,” Ryan says, knowing what I was thinking. “Madison and I broke up as soon as we left the wedding that night, partly at the wedding. We haven’t spoken since.” He pauses. “Except for one time when she called me to curse me out for a few minutes. Which was understandable.”
“Completely,” I agree, my hand still clutching the doorknob.
He keeps looking at me and I can see disappointment starting to spread across his face. “You thought I would have gone to Italy if I was still in a relationship?”
“I didn’t know. After what happened...”
“Is that why you didn’t send me the journal?”
I give a quick nod and Ryan’s eyes fall to the ground. He stays that way for a few seconds until he looks at me again, vulnerable and scared—more vulnerable and scared than I’ve ever seen him.
“I know I said a lot in the letter I wrote with the journal. But I also know that after what I did, they were just words. What I want now, what I’m begging you to give me, is a chance to prove that I mean them.” He takes the smallest step closer but I swear it shakes the floor.
“I really want to believe you.”
“Then believe me,” he says, almost whispering. “Forgive me.”
I grip the doorknob tighter. My heart is pounding.
“I am so incredibly sorry, Kara. Sorrier than I could ever tell you. I messed up at such an intense level and I made it impossible for you to trust me. I see that now. So if you hate me—if you want nothing to do with me, I want you to know that I’ll understand and I’ll accept it. I hatemyselffor what I did. I know I hurt you but all I want from now on is to make you happy...for you to be happy with me.”
It feels like the air has turned solid in my lungs with only the slightest gasps slipping through. My fingers fall away from the door one by one.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your trust back. We can just be friends. I’ll move to New York on my own with Duke, and you and I can get to know each other again. I’ll stick to any pace that’s right for you because what’s between us is worth fighting for and I’ll fight to the end if that’s what you want.”
His gaze never falters. His right hand twitches a little and I somehow know he’s stopping himself from reaching out to me.
“Is that what you want?” he asks. His eyes are honest and true. Duke shuffles around by our feet but neither of us looks anywhere else but at each other.
For a second, I see the college version of Ryan. A hoodie and jeans. A backpack and cap. He’s standing across from the bookworm he thinks is so special, and even though we’re not those people anymore, we can always remember that they led us here. We don’t have to live up to their legacy. We can choose to build our own.
“Yes,” I answer, my voice soft but entirely steady. “That’s what I want.”
An awestruck expression streaks Ryan’s face, like he’s about to laugh or maybe cry, but he settles for a hopeful smile instead. “Are you sure?” he asks.
“I’m sure. I can’t promise how fast things are going to go. This is going to take time, but I want to fight for us, too. I know what we have is worth it.Youare worth it.”
Ryan swallows and his eyes tell me just how much my validation means to him. The air between us goes from thick and tense to crisp and calm. We can finally breathe, drifting through the moment like we’re floating down a lazy river.
He’s the first to break the spell when he holds up my manuscript.
“So, this was a quick read. I finished it in less than five hours. I only took one break and that was to take Duke for a walk. Surprisingly, I needed some air after all that.” He takes a final step, now standing directly in front of me. “This feels a little more lighthearted than your other contemporaries.”
“I figured I’d try my hand at rom-coms.” Ryan chuckles and I can’t believe that this is my new reality. My book-boyfriend is my real boyfriend. “And just so you know, this is just a first draft. I’m going to change the names and other aspects, obviously.”
“I hope so. Every time you describe me in here you call me cute. The guys in your other books get virile and warrior-like and a bunch of other manly stuff.” He moves in then, leaning closer and bracing his hands against the door frame around me. “And all I get is cute? Your other characters are going to laugh me off the shelf.”
He’s still so cocky. I want to kick him. And kiss him forever.
“This novel isn’t even about you,” I tell him in my haughtiest voice. “The fact that the male lead has the same name as you is a coincidence.”
Ryan smiles and shakes his head. “I don’t think that’s true, Sullivan.”
