With a final pull at his travel bag, he ducks into the car and closes the door. The taxi pulls away and I still don’t move. My stomach drops as I wonder if I just made a life-altering mistake. Maybe. Or maybe I just saved myself from another brutal heartbreak in the making. Still not knowing which side the coin will fall on, I disappear deeper and deeper into the crowds, silently hoping that I’ll disappear completely.
22
After I don’t appear in the courtyard for our usual breakfast the next morning, I’m not surprised when I hear knocking at my apartment door bright and early. Still in my pajamas, I cross the faux white marble floor of the entryway and pull the door open, finding Liam outside. He’s holding our pizzas and looking concerned.
“I don’t know what happened, but I do know that only something horrific would keep you from breakfast.”
“Come in,” I say, pushing the door back and stepping aside.
“I have to warn you, the pizzas are now cold and slightly soggy. I don’t think that will stand in your way, but I feel morally obligated to tell you.”
“I’m not deterred in the least.”
“I expected as much.”
Ten minutes later, Liam and I are settled in the living room. The space is minimally decorated with just a couch, a coffee table and a chair in front of the TV that I never watch. It’s on par with what you would expect from a pre-furnished apartment. Occupying the not-quite-as-comfortable Italian version of my reading chair, I’ve just finished explaining why I’m moping around inside instead of sitting out in the sunshine. Liam sits at one end of the brown upholstered couch and is holding the journal, minus the letter, which I just told him about.
“Well,” he says, leaning forward to place the journal on the rounded coffee table in front of him, “and who says people don’t make grand gestures anymore?”
“I wish Ryan didn’t make this one,” I mutter, pulling my knees close to my chest.
“Liar.”
Liam continues to regard me in that problem-solver way of his. “So just to clarify,” he goes on, “because he didn’t make magical eye contact with you in a highly dense and somewhat chaotic intersection during rush hour...you believe that was the universe saying you shouldn’t be together?”
“It was an emotionally trying moment and I needed a tie-breaker.”
“Wow. You’re worse off than I originally thought.”
“Let’s not throw stones, okay?” I rub my tired eyes with the tips of my fingers and tuck my hair behind my ears. “I don’t know. Part of me wishes he never came. Then things could have gone on as they were.”
“Right. And you could have felt vindicated as you mucked off into your lonely existence. Trust me, I speak from personal experience when I tell you it’s not as appealing as you think.”
“I just want things to be over, one way or another.”
“They can be,” Liam says simply. “Forgive him.”
I pause and take a breath. “I don’t know if I can.”
“That’s fine, too. Toss the journal and carry on without him.”
The thoughts of letting Ryan go or forgiving him seem equally impossible. My face must reflect my emotions, prompting Liam to go on, “Listen, Ryan is either a liar who showed his true colors, or he’s a good person who made a mistake. Whether you chose to work through this with him or not, you’re taking a risk. You just have to decide if the risk is worth the reward.”
“Ugh,” I groan, tilting my head up towards the ceiling before looking at him again. “What would you do?”
“I’m not going to answer that. I’ve already messed up my own life beyond repair. I don’t need the fate of your future resting on my conscience as well.”
I give him an unappreciative but understanding nod. “Fair enough.”
“I will, however, offer you a small bit of advice if you swear you won’t hold it against me.”
“I swear.”
Liam leans forward and clasps his hands together. “When making an important decision, I find it’s useful to think about the life that you want to have. Sit and visualize it, and ask yourself if the choice you’re about to make will help you or hinder you in getting to where you ultimately want to go.” I think he’s about to go on when he sits back again. “That’s it. If you require any further assistance, I’ll have to charge a modest fee.”
I chuckle and stretch out my legs, placing my slippered feet down onto the floor. “I can’t really afford unnecessary spending at this point, but I appreciate your words of wisdom.”
Liam pushes his palms against his knees and stands. “Well then, seeing as this will most likely be a day of reflection for you, I suppose I’ll get going. Will we be back to business as usual tomorrow?”
