35
An all-consuming sensation ofdread infiltrates my nervous system the moment I wake the next morning, a feeling that doesn’t ease after I’m showered and dressed. My recent confrontations play on an anxiety-inducing loop. Hearing hard truths from Jared. The fight with Analiese. With Sumner. The distress is palpably uncomfortable, but I can’t avoid it. Not when we have just nine days to try to fix everything.
I finish Mrs.Vidar-Tett’s gala checklist and spend half an hour researching the University of Michigan’s undergraduate physics program. The excitement I’d felt in the lab grows tenfold. I can imagine myself here, immersing myself in lectures and labs. Before I realize what I’m doing, I pull up the online application. I’ll fill it out later, I decide.
I’m heading to breakfast when a notification chimes on my phone. I have a package to pick up in the mailroom. Grabbing my coat, I hustle to the administration building, shocked when I discover the box is from Mads.
I wait until I’ve returned to my room to open it.
Midnight blue is your color.
XO, Mads
I slide heavy material from a protective cloth. It’s a dress. Not just a dress, but a floor-length gown made of silk as soft as water, a gradient of shimmering sparkles collecting near the bottom. Almost a replica of a twinkling night sky. It winks as it catches the light. I hold it up to myself. I’ve been so busy I hadn’t considered I’d need one for the gala.
When I call, she answers.
“My package arrived?”
“It’sperfect.”
“I know.” I hear her grinning through the phone.
Now that she’s speaking to me, I venture to another topic. “How’s the competition?”
“Fine. I have two more today, then another tomorrow.” A pause. “I came in second yesterday.”
“Mads, really? That’s incredible.”
“Yeah. Well.” She clears her throat. “Would’ve been nice to get first.”
“Of course,” I say lightly. “Nothing short of outstanding—the Carmichael curse.”
She doesn’t laugh. “You and Jared make it look so easy.”
“I’m not even ranked first in my own class, Mads. Not even top ten. Or twenty.”
Silence. Then, “I’m going to switch to FaceTime.”
The screen connects after a few seconds. She’s in her hotel room flopped on her bed, her arm tucked behind her, a splay of ash-blond hair spread across the pillowcase.
“First of all, Mom’s in the lobby grabbing coffee. And secondly, Jared told me you’re rethinking premed.”
“Oh.” I blink. “Yeah, I am.”
She rolls over and sets her phone on the nightstand, propping it against something I can’t see. Then she launches herself onto her bed and begins giving me a standing ovation.
“Uh, what’s happening?”
“I didn’t think you had it in you.” She sits down, crisscrossing her legs. “You’ve never done your own thing. Like, when I was ten? I asked what you wanted to be when you grew up and you askedmewhat I thought. Like you couldn’t bear to let me down with your answer.”
I remove my headband and run my hand through my hair. “I don’t remember that.”
“Okay, well, do you remember every time we’d go out to eat for your birthday? Dad would go,Oh, Delaney loves Junior Burgers. And that’s where we’d eat, even though I could tell youdidn’tlove it. Year after year. It’s like…” She thinks. “You never wanted to disappoint anyone.”
I drop my headband in my lap and point at her through the screen. “Is that why you’ve been ignoring me for months?”
She scoots closer to the phone. “I’m on Zoloft. It’s an anti-depressant.”
