Has he ever been told he’s enough? Known love he didn’t have to bend over backward for?
“Do you remember,” I hear myself say, “that time I was upset during our first year here?”
I’d come crying to Jared because I overheard two senior girls making fun of the bow I’d pinned in the back of my hair. It wasn’t about the ribbon. Not really. This was before I’d met Analiese, before I made any real friends, and as a student here on tuition assistance, I was overcome with a sense of inferiority. Impostor syndrome on steroids, like I’d never really belong.
“You were in the Segner commons with him and Carlos and Paul,” I continue. “Jared told me to ignore them, but you shot up so quickly—I thought you were about to leave, to be honest—but instead you looked at me and said, ‘The important ones see you for who you are.’ ”
“Seems like someone trying too hard to sound impressive.”
I won’t let him trivialize this. “You were right. And if your dad won’t stick around to see how amazing Preston is, or how amazingyouare, then fuck him.” I raise my eyebrows when he smiles. “Seriously.”
A flicker of appreciation appears in his eyes. “Thank you.” He angles his body toward me. “You are too, you know.”
My nerve endings sing.
“And I’m sorry this isn’t the break either of us wanted, but I wouldn’t have progressed this far with the missing equations without you,” he continues. “I’m in. No matter what it takes.”
“I’m scared of what happens to us if we don’t finish this in time,” I whisper.
“We will,” he says with unwavering conviction. Before I have a chance to respond, he nods toward the door. “Can I walk you to the lounge?”
This question feels so out of left field from him that it momentarily catches me off guard. “Yeah,” I say. “Sure.”
He holds the door open for me and I lock it behind us, pulse beating in my throat when his eyes cling to mine. Before I overthink it, I add, “I’m glad you’re here.”
I expect a snide remark, maybe a haughty joke tossed in our typical manner of verbal sparring, and I know it’s only because we have a ton of work ahead of us with so much hanging on the line, but I swear I catch a slip of emotion as he says, voice low, “I’m glad you’re here, too.”
34
In the lounge, we’re toldthe rules remain enforced except for a few changes. Faculty residents will retire at six instead of ten. The system can tell if we’ve scanned into our rooms, so we’re expected to turn in by ten thirty each evening and scan in for breakfast at nine. The kitchen will be closed all day on Thanksgiving, except the cold bar, but Ivernia has placed a dinner order from a local restaurant for us to enjoy. Most importantly, a list of on-campus faculty will be posted in our common rooms in case we need anything.
There are about a dozen students from various years spending break here, including William and, unexpectedly, Lionel. After, as the four of us walk to the Forgotten Lounge, I pull up alongside him.
“You stayed.”
Lionel offers me a tired smile. “You’re my team.”
He says it lightly, but there’s a deepening concern in his eyes. As if he’s contemplated all he has to lose.
We work together until curfew, scan into our respective bedrooms, then sneak out the unmonitored back exits to regroup in the Segner commons. I leave pencils wedged in the doors so I can return without re-alerting the system, and Sumner lets me in through the locker room so I don’t have to finagle the handle. Wecontinue to make silent calculations until the early hours of the morning. He eventually falls asleep with the dry-erase marker in his hand, chin slumped toward his chest. Lionel’s already passed out on the couch, both legs flung over one of the arms.
William beckons me with a nod, and I follow him through the locker room. He pauses when we reach the exit.
“Would you care for a short walk?”
I tell him yes, so he removes his journal from his coat pocket, using it to keep the door ajar. Once it’s secure, we wander into the night.
A thin layer of snow sticks to the ground, twiggy blades of grass poking from underneath. Glittering stars blink above us as an invigorating chill rolls off the mountains. Winter has never been my favorite season, with the early draining daylight squeezed from the sky and the frozen death nature can’t escape, but I appreciate its softness tonight. The way the snow has dulled the sharp edges.
“We’ve been preoccupied with our current conundrum,” he begins, “but I wanted to ensure you’ve remained unburdened by our previous history.”
I almost laugh. “Lord William,” I say teasingly. “Were you a bit of a heartbreaker?”
“I do say, I should be the one asking you this. As for myself, never intentionally,” he insists, and this time I actually laugh. “Courtship wasn’t my highest priority, as you know, though it was encouraged by my family.”
“Well, I remain unburdened. And I don’t regret any of the time we’ve spent together.” I playfully nudge his arm with my elbow. “I’m grateful for your friendship.”
“As am I.”
