“What the hell is happening now?” she exclaimed.
“Hi, Ames,” her mother called out in her singsong voice she used when she knew Amy would be annoyed. “We’re doing our annual Christmas-cookie bake wars. Would you like to join us?”
Join them? Had her mother completely lost her mind?
Hillary turned from the stove. Her elf suit was very tight and very short, so much so that Amy had a hard time looking away from what was obviously a near-perfect body.
Her mother noticed her looking and said, “Oh, we had a couple of extras in the bags. It was a child’s costume, but when you’ve got a body like Hillary, you can make it work.”
“I think it’s really cute,” Hillary said, looking down at herself.
Sure, it was cute if you were a perfect ten and didn’t mind parading around in elf costumes.
“We have one more, don’t we, Melissa?” her mother continued. “Amy could—”
“Nope. No thank you,” Amy said quickly. “Here’s a question—whyare you wearing them?”
“I told you—we’re making our cookie wars video for TikTok.”
“TikTok?” Amy cried.
“Or Instagram,” June added. Her elf suit was straining at the seams, and Amy feared with one wrong move, the whole thing would come apart.
“For both, I guess,” Barb said.
“What are you saying?” Amy asked, feeling herself almost on the verge of tears. “Please tell me you’re not on TikTok.”
“I’m not going to tell you that, because we are. The Bossy Posse is a thing so why not?” Her mother was sounding less sing-songy.
Amy looked to her dad for help, but he was studying the phone camera. “Dad, I thought that you and Mom…” She stopped herself beforeshe gave too much away, although it was obvious her mother had been filling the Posse in on every detail of her marriage.
“I’m trying to do better, honey,” he said, as if that explained it all. It explained exactly nothing. What did filming them dressed as elves fix, exactly?
“Hey, what happened to H?” Carol asked. “I think it would be fun if he could join us. Too bad we don’t have a Santa suit for him. I mean, we don’t, do we?” she asked hopefully, looking at June.
“Absolutely not,” Amy said. She could not allow him to put on a Santa suit and ruin her fantasy of falling in love with him. But her emphatic answer had everyone looking at her. She lifted her chin a little. “He’s not here to be in elf videos, trust me.”
“It’s not anelfvideo, it’s a Bossy Posse video. We’re a thing now. And we’re just dressed like elves. That’s not the same.”
“I think it is, Mom,” Kevin weighed in.
Carol looked set to argue, but just then, they heard the door to the garage open. A moment later, Harrison came into their midst. He made a full stop just inside the kitchen and looked around at all of them, startled.
“There you are, H,” Hillary said. “Would you like to be in an elf video?”
“A Bossy Posse video,” Carol corrected firmly.
“No,” he said instantly, even sounding slightly appalled, and Amy breathed a sigh of relief that she could go ahead and fall in love with him after all, as he’d just passed a very crucial test.
“What…what is going on?” he asked, gesturing at the ladies.
“Why does everyone keep asking?” Amy’s mother complained. “Isn’t it obvious that we are making our Christmas-cookie video dressed as elves? It isChristmas, people! It’s supposed to be festive.”
Harrison glanced at Amy, who tried to smile reassuringly, but she just couldn’t muster it—there was nothing sane or reassuring about this scene.
“Well…in that case, it looks like you have it all under control,” he said. “So I’m sure you won’t mind if I borrow Amy?”
“For what?” Kevin asked.
