Eventually, the show cemented itself into American culture—it was never quite a smash hit, despite Terry Rakolta’s best efforts, but it was a cornerstone of Fox’s output, and we all became famous in our way. I remember at some point we went to a mall in the middle of somewhere for an appearance, and once we were done, a crowd of fans literally chased us back to our cars. Everyone wanted a piece of us, especially me.
It was our Beatles-at-Shea moment.
I don’t remember where the mall was, but Ed O’Neill, who played my dad, and Katey would know—they have the best memories of any two human beings I’ve ever known in my life. Ed, especially, rememberseverything.
“Don’t you remember?” he’ll say. “Come on, Christina!”
“Nope, not a clue,” I’ll say.
It was a different world. Before Sadie, before my star in Hollywood.
Before MS.
As for Kelly Bundy, well, she just liked the attention; she didn’t do anything with it. If she had been one-dimensional, no one would have cared for her. Instead, even when she was being provocative, she was still innocent. At least in the early seasons, she was too young to be sleeping with people.
As for the actor who played Kelly, she waited until the propitious date of 8/8/88 to have sex for the first time, as diligently noted in my diary.
Guess what? You know when I was talking about how I needed to have sex? Well, I did. And I did the dirty deed with the only person I would want to do it for the first time with anyway. I just made love to [name redacted] twice. It hurt like a motherfucker. But oh well, it’s over with.
Alas, as with so many people having sex for the first time, it led only to regrets. In the name of romance, I had told the guy, “Just putit in for a second so I know what it feels like.” That was my first Sexy Town.
Four days later, I wrote that I had “major regrets about the incident,” saying, “I’m glad it’s over with but yet I really wish I hadn’t done it.”
I was stuck between caring about this person and dealing with their lack of care for me, but I brushed it off, internalizing as usual. The “incident” further depleted my self-worth, leading to a swirl of darker poetry. Here’s one elegantly named “Drunken Bitch.”
Christina loves someone
But who it is is yet to be decifered
between God and the Devil
But until then I will be left
alone
Here with my dagger and
my heart.
Not knowing what to do with
either.
Despite the bad decisions and agonies swirling around, the poet in me could still find the beauty in life.
Today was yet another beautiful day. It was so clear. Momma, Mariah, and I went to Self-Realization Lake Shrine [in the Palisades]… it was really great. I’ve totally started to appreciate my life & surroundings this week. Life is really a masterpiece. If you just open your mind and your eyes you can really see how beautiful things are… So when I say “life is shit,” I can look back and realize that there is another side. And stop being so skeptical about everything.
Even at that young age, I didn’t want to feel pain. So I dove into work, and into saving people. And spirituality was also a crutch at that time—it helped me get away from the big waves, like the ones on the north shore of Hawaii.
As for Kelly Bundy, well, she was certainly no poet—she seemed to be written as dumber and dumber and dumber. She had started out as a biker chick who liked biker guys, wearing ratted jean jackets and sporting a smart mouth. But as the seasons progressed, her intelligence withered entirely, until the day I was handed a script in which she didn’t know how to do something as simple as open a fucking door.
However I felt, being on the show provided all kinds of opportunities for me to expand my career. Earlier in 1989, a few months before I ditched Brad Pitt at the MTV Video Music Awards, I’d attended the February Grammys at the Shrine. I still have the ticket—I was in row 23, seat 49, if you’re scoring at home.
Well tonight was a historical night for me. I went to the 31st Annual Grammy Awards. I was kissed [on the cheek] by Michael Hutchence, chatted with Sinéad O’Connor, and hugged by Anita Baker. Called Billy drunk off my ass from the INXS private party. This was quite probably the best night of my life… I know I sound like a complete groupie but hey, anyone would have felt that way. Also, Melissa Etheridge, Sinéad, Toni Childs, and Tracy Chapman performed and were absolutely spectacular… Oh yea, Alice Cooper watchesMarried…every week!
I look back at these memories, people, and places, so gilded back then. Now I know that famous people are just humans going through the same shit we’re all going through.
Life is messy no matter who is living it.
