COME ON, I think to myself. That was just one time (or was it twice?) and I was at the check-out in M&S. But more to the point – Nandy? They don’t even know each other.
‘How do you know Nandy?’ I press the lift button far more times than necessary.
‘Erica, dear,’ says Keith. ‘Don’t you think your friends talk about you?’
‘But…’
The lift doors open and Zoe, Kai and the Peppa Pig tattoo girl get out, all staring at Keith. Zoe says ‘Hey’, but Kai just smiles vaguely, which is the most I can expect I suppose, possibly more, considering I projectile vomited after he kissed me. It’s very awkward.
In the lift, Keith waves a hand in the direction of the departing Gen Zs as the door closes. ‘I don’t even want to know whatthatwas all about…’ I don’t really want to tell him, either.
A couple of minutes later, we’re in Devon’s flat.
‘Well, this is… awful,’ he says, looking round and sucking air through his teeth, making a noise like he’s tasting substandard wine.
It’s airless so I open the doors onto the balcony. Keith eyes the deckchairs. ‘I won’t be sitting in one of those, duckie. They’re not for middle-aged arses.’
‘Why are you here, Keith?’
‘Well, it’s a bit like an intervention…’
‘Don’t interventions usually have more than one person intervening?’
‘Nobody else wanted to come. Josie is too upset, and can’t get childcare, and Nandy keeps calling you all sorts.’
I must look hurt because he adds: ‘It’s just how she’s dealing with it.’
‘Okay…’
‘And as for that poor man…’ He sits down on the ottoman and sighs. ‘Erica, what on earth are you doing? We’re all wondering. Your friends. Remember us?’
Simon’s not ‘poor’, if that’s who he’s referring to. Just because he helps out a bit more than me with Mother Pells. JEEZ. And hechoseto have kids…
‘Erica?’
‘Of course I remember you. It’s just… this is something I need to do. And, well, none of you are really supporting me so…’
‘So, what, you’ve just ditched us all and now you’ve got new friends?’
‘No… I mean, well, not exactly. I’m trying. To make new friends that is. Not ditch you.’
‘You’re trying. Because, what, friends are like Instagram followers, you just “get” them?’
‘No…’ I sit on the sofa opposite him. What if Keith, Josie, Nandy… what if these are the people I was meant to belly laugh in a retirement flat with? Am I going to be on my own now?
‘You know it’s okay to change your mind about this?’ says Keith. ‘Nandy told me the treatment can be reversed. Nobody’s going to judge you if that’s what you want to do.’
My eyes fix on his face, and I take in a look of such exquisite concern that for a second I just want him to hug me and make it all better. I realise I’m probably now doing the ‘Gen Z stare’ that I’ve read about.
‘Even if I wanted to… I can’t go back, Keith. I have to make this work.’
‘Why?’
‘Look at me. Getting older was making me miserable.’
‘We’ve talked about this before, Erica. Remember what I told you, the ones who stay till the end of the night are the ones with the best stories.’
I smile. I love Keith’s wisdom about ageing, even if I don’t really believe it. ‘It’s not just that. It’s other stuff. Living here. The money.’ I decide not to mention that Yuvana is late paying me.
