I sat down at the desk across from her. Max settled against the opposing wall. Despite how I tried to resist it, Max and I quickly fell back into a familiar dynamic, one we’d used for past case studies while interviewing people about their objects. Max kicked off the questioning, working his charm to put subjects at ease while I observed them, their tics and nervous habits, their objects. I tried to look for the truth behind it all, what they were really saying. Or trying to hide.
“What can you tell me about Dani and Maya?” he asked, voice rumbling and deep. “How was their relationship? Was there ever any indication that Dani wanted to hurt her?”
“They dated on and off for, like, the majority of junior and senior year, but I’ve never seen two people more different. As for why Dani did this,” Grace shook her head, voice shaking. “There was no indication. None. I thought she loved her. She had us all fooled.”
Grace stared at her hands, and I realized how hard this must’ve been for her. Maya was her roommate, someone she’d slept only feet away from every night. Someone she saw probably every day. She wasn’t even fully moved into her new room yet; there was a box in the corner of things left to unpack.
His voice softened. “You’ve never seen people more different—how so?”
“Dani had this stutter that came out sometimes that she was self-conscious of, so she didn’t, like, put herself out there, you know? And Maya was exactly the opposite. Always hugging everyone, kind of loud. Everyone liked her.”
“Lot of people knew her. She must have had some enemies,” Max said. “Can you think of anyone who would want to hurt her?”
Grace shrugged. “No. Stuff like that was really important to Maya, being liked.” She pulled out her phone and pulled up Maya’s Instagram. “I mean look at this, not even one mean comment. Sometimes I think she spelled her page so people could only say nice things. If anything, people loved her too much.”
“Could I take a look at that?” I asked.
Pictures on Maya’s Instagram showed the same beautiful girl, light brown hair and startlingly blue eyes, artificially enhanced with some kind of filter. She had the same pose in most of her pictures, one that made her waist look thinner and hid the scar on her thigh.
“Over thirty-five thousand followers. Not bad for a college student.”
Grace nodded. “She collaborated with brands sometimes. Posted their content or recommended stuff.”
There were pictures with her various workout routines, some posts recommending vitamin supplements and tea infusers.
A quick skim of the comments showed a whole lot of heart eyes, “queen shit,” or creepy comments from guys. I couldn’t figure out why she did the ads. It was clear she’d come from money and wasn’t hurting for it. A good portion of the photos and videos were her sailing or on boats with friends, a beer in one hand and a fish she’d caught in the other. Pictures at school were similar. She and friends in the backs of trucks, laughing and dancing, drinking whiskey or what looked suspiciously like moonshine. Photos from various parties, selfies with friends.
Something itched at me as I scrolled. I continued down, all the way down, finally finding what I was looking for.
There was one picture with Dani, only one. I recognized the pale skin, though not as pale as now. Even here, there was an uneasiness about her. The people in the picture seemed to hover just around her, not quite comfortable in her presence, though I don’t know if this was because they simply didn’t know her that well. Her blond hair fell in limp waves around her face, and though she was beautiful, the effect was unsettling. There was a haunted look in her blue-gray eyes, like an ocean at midnight.
Already gone, even then? Or were the effects of whatever this was just starting to take hold?
Max teetered on the desk opposite us, offering Grace a gentle smile. “They were pretty different then, huh?”
Grace looked up at him, cheeks coloring under his gaze. “Yeah.” She unconsciously squared her shoulders to him, offered a small smile reserved only for someone like Max.
It wasn’t the first time I’d noticed Max’s effect on people. All of a sudden, I felt a little like the Dani to Max’s Maya. For the most part, I was perfectly content to sit in the background, happily typing up my notes and research, looking up calculations or referencing textbooks, while he drank the attention awarded the two of us like nectar. After our first paper on Object Theory came out, something we’d worked on together, our peers at the conference circuit turned to him first with their questions. And I was happy to let him talk to them, let him explain our methods, and have them all gush at his brilliance—our brilliance. Besides, I would’ve butchered it anyway, bumbled through awkwardly, and said all the wrong things. I’d been grateful for him, really. If not for Max, I don’t think our research would’ve gotten anywhere near the attention it did.
Still, sometimes I did wish I was more like him, bobbing happily through life, lifted by other people’s smiles instead of their bewildered looks. I did sometimes wish that when people saw us, they would say,Look, it’s Cella and Max!instead ofLook, there’s Max! Oh hey, Cella, didn’t see you there.
I wondered if Dani had ever felt the same.
“Maya kind of did whatever Maya wanted to do, and everyone else was just along for the ride,” Grace said.
I cleared my throat. “Do you think Maya loved her?” I directed the question at Grace, but my eyes had drifted to Max.
Grace stared at her fingernails, picking at flaking remnants of peachy pink. “To be honest, I think she took Dani for granted a little. Kissed her at parties and when she was drunk for attention and stuff. They were always breaking up and then getting back together again. I don’t know if Maya was really as comfortable as Dani with having a girlfriend. A lot of her friends were in sororities, and I just kind of got the feeling that maybe she didn’t think they’d accept her if she was actually serious about Dani. I don’t know. But even when Maya came in sobbing after having messed around with some jerky guy, Dani was always there. She worshipped her. But did Maya love her back? Maya was … well, Maya was Maya.”
Her voice had begun to shake. It must have been hard to admit these things about her friend. My heart went out to her. I wanted to comfort her, but I didn’t know how. With my luck, I was more likely to say the wrong thing and make her feel worse, so I stayed quiet. Max was the one with the charm. I had observation.
“I think she loved her,” she said carefully, “in the only way she knew how.”
Max’s gaze met mine and held it like an anchor.
A lesson better learned sooner rather than later, I thought. Sometimes the most someone could give you wasn’t enough, and you had a choice. Make yourself small to accept that love, pretend it was all you needed, or realize you were worth far more and leave to find it.
Max typed a note on his phone. “And what about Dr. Strauss? Was there ever anything to suggest Dani and he had a relationship outside your everyday one between student and professor?”
