Chapter 21 – Ice Shards
Pieces of Us
Amelia
As I walked away from Bash and Jaxson that day, I felt a mix of emotions. Not about Jaxson, no. That part of my life is over. It has been for a while now. It just didn't fully land until recently.
No, I felt torn about Bash. Although he let me down and lost my trust, it wasn't because of another woman; it was because of his doubts.
I still feel whispers of possibilities for the future, but I have to get my head in the right place. Everything my dad and Jaxson did to me, the blows my self-esteem took, damaged me. I needed to heal. I needed to understand myself first.
I'm not exactly sure what that means for me right now, but I managed to survive the holidays and stepped away from the stress I'd been under.
On Christmas Day, months ago, I moved out of the house, and everything got easier. I wasn't constantly reminded of the ruins my life with Jaxson had become, and I finally felt like I could breathe.
In the months since, when I wasn't practicing, I threw myself into competitions. I cut off all contact with Bash and Jaxson. I blocked them everywhere, and it feels good. There's no more pretending everything's fine with Jaxson when I haven't even laid eyes on him in months.
Jaxson fought the divorce and kept trying to call and text, but it didn't matter. I had valid grounds for divorce, given his months of silence, our separation, and his adultery. And yes, it was adultery. I wasn't a willing participant in his open marriage scheme. I'd reluctantly agreed, under pressure, when he threatened to divorce me. In the end, he got what he asked for, all the women he wanted, just not me. He argued, threw tantrums, begged, and even hired a top-notch attorney, but he couldn't legally stop the divorce just becausehe didn't want to lose me.That was what my attorney repeatedly told me he kept insisting. But I stood my ground. He didn'tget to hurt me and then later decide that he couldn't live without me.
My lawyer served the papers properly the day after Jaxson returned home and found the copy I'd left for him. Even though he contested it, the judge saw the truth, just as everyone else had. He cheated and publicly humiliated me, so I chose to start my life without him. There wasn't a waiting period, or any way he could delay it, because adultery was sufficient grounds.
When I signed the NDA agreement to open the marriage, I'd done so with my back against the wall. Jaxson hadn't asked. He had threatened divorce if I refused. I'd been blindsided, my heart shattered as I clung to the desperate belief that our marriage was worth saving. He counted on that hope and on my devotion. He'd been convinced I'd sit at home, faithful and waiting, while he chased other women. I only agreed because I felt I had no choice. Now I see that I did. He refused to acknowledge my boundaries and ignored the limits of my love.
That agreement didn't protect him. My attorney made it clear in the divorce application that I hadn't given my consent freely and included my notarized statement to prove it. Jaxson's attorney argues that the NDA and open marriage arrangement meant the affairs didn'tqualify as adultery, and that because I'd signed, I had no legal grounds for divorce. The law said otherwise. Coercion voided consent. Public exposure destroyed any chance of burying the truth. He wanted to pretend none of it happened, to scrub it from the record, as if that could erase my standing. He couldn't use that document as a shield to claim it wasn't adultery, because it was. And he used it to betray and humiliate me while burning our marriage to the ground.
In the end, we divided our marital assets equally and settled it. Jaxson bought out my equity in the house, and the judge signed the order. Thirty-one days later, I was finally free of him. He found out that no matter how famous he is, he couldn't rewrite history or change the law.
Bash is another matter altogether. I really thought he and I had a solid friendship, if nothing else. I realize I wasn't totally upfront with him, but he wasn't with me either. That was our agreement!
I had no idea he was Jaxson's rival because, while I watched the games for Jaxson's sake, I didn't really follow the league. It was all about my husband. And while Jaxson cursed the ground Sebastian Duchesne walked on, I didn't know who he was or why the animosity ran so deep. I still don't, and I don't care.
Now, months after the Olympics, I step onto the ice rink. It's quiet this time of the evening, just the sound of my blades cutting into the ice. This is my sanctuary, my safe place, where I can push myself to the limits, practice my routines, and remember why I fell in love with skating in the first place.
Winning the Olympics was no longer a failed dream, but a goal I dedicated myself to and reached, despite the rubble of my life around me. I attained that goal with hard work, dedication, and focus. But it's beyond recognition or medals. It's the balance and the peace I feel when I'm on the ice.
I plan to continue competing, but I also focus on my mental health now. I started counselling with someone who specialized in infidelity, so I was able to come to terms with what happened between Jaxson and me. It's hard not to blame myself, like I wasn't enough. Especially since my father neglected me as well.
Therapy helped me come to that understanding. Week after week, I unpacked the damage I carried from my father and from Jaxson. I learned that their failures didn't reflect my worth, that staying quiet wasn't a strength, and that protecting myself wasn't selfish. I now say everything out loud, even the parts I'm reluctant to share because of shame. Little by little, the noise in my head began to fade. I stopped asking what was wrong with me and started placing the blame exactly where it belonged. With them. Their lack of commitment to me is something missing in them, not me.
That realization changed everything.
Now, my guilty pleasure is spending time in my book nook, curled up to read and polish off my TBR list. I'm even thinking of trying a new hobby, something just for me. For the first time in a long time, I don't have to answer to anyone but myself.
I have the freedom to choose my own path. To compete without hiding. Whatever comes next, on or off the ice, I'll meet it head-on with my arms and heart wide open and my eyes on the future. Never again will I look back at the life I had with Jaxson.
The girl who once lived in the shadow of her husband, quietly erased by his choices, no longer exists. I stand here now in her place, unapologetic and whole. I don't need anyone's permission to exist.
Deep within me, something emerges—the woman I buried for far too long, the one I was always meant to be.
I draw in a slow, steady breath and say, "I'll never be anyone's second thought again. I will be seen. I am Amelia."
And for the first time in years, because I finally believe it, I'm ready for what I plan to do tonight.
