Like an adrenaline junkie, I'm blissfully lost in this sliver of time.
[End of Flashback]
As the memory recedes and I finish my practice routine, I open my eyes and slow to a soft glide. The blades scrape hypnotically across the gleaming surface, the sound echoing in the silence once again.
The music has faded…
…no applause,
…no announcers,
…just me again, alone. Back in my own private arena.
My chest rises and falls from the exertion of my workout as I bat tears from my eyes.
Looking up at the far wall. It's blank, empty, stark. Waiting for something.
Maybe it's time I stop pretending to matter to someone and focus on mattering to myself. I'm proud of my accomplishments.
In August, I placed fourth at theInvitational des Étoiles de Glacein Nice, France, and in September, I took fourth at the Ice Fall Open in Christchurch, New Zealand. Neither was a podium finish, but it was close and a significant achievement considering what I've been through. Those competitions attract the most talented women in the world of figure skating.
So, yes. It's time to build a showcase on that wall for the ribbons, medals, and trophies I put away when Jaxson told me to stop competing. I packed these pieces of myself into boxes in the attic, as if they never counted. As if I were never good enough.
Jaxson doesn't seem to remember that I exist anymore, and I wonder if he ever really cared. Does he even recognize who I was before I became part of us?
He may not.
But I do.
And I'm done hiding her.
This is my place.
My passion.
My life.
And it all deserves to be seen.
I deserve to be seen.
And, who knows, maybe right there in the middle of that showcase, I'll display an Olympic medal. And if I'm tough enough, it'll be gold.
