“Then what do you want?” Julian followed her.
“Honesty?” She half turned to stare at him.
“About what in particular?”
“See?” She shook her head. “You can’t help yourself, can you?”
“I want you. Is that honest enough?” He took her hand.
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”
“I see. You want honesty on your terms and not on mine.” He lightly kissed her fingers, and she curled them into a fist. “But obviously, I cannot argue with a lady.”
“You are infuriating.”
“As are you. We agreed to a physical relationship, and the only honesty you get to demand from me is for that.” He released her hand and bowed. “Good night, my lady.”
He left her standing in the doorway, her color high and her expression furious. He wanted to stride back up the stairs, take her in his arms and kiss her until she forgot everything except her need for him, because that was real—that was honest—and if she couldn’t see that, then maybe there was nothing between them at all.
Carenza stomped upstairs to her room, her thoughts in a whirl. Julian was infuriating. She wished she’d never agreed to let him be her lover, because it complicated everything between them. She allowed her maid to assist her into bed and then sat there, the candles still burning and a book on her lap.
If she could have her way, Julian would be with her right now, and she’d … tie him up? Make him beg for mercy? The very thought made her want to smile. Despite his efforts to convince her that she was in charge of their relationship, she doubted his instincts would allow him to take the more subservient role for long. He’d already threatened to spank her. What else might he be prepared to do?
And why was she even thinking about him after he’d reprimanded her and left? He was the one who was at fault. She wanted to shake him so hard that he lost his damnable composure and met her on equal terms. He’d roused something in her that Hector had never appreciated and that she’d quickly learned to hide.
Hector’s preferred method of marital relations had consisted of her lying as quietly as possible on the bed while he “performed” over her. He’d rebuffed her attempts to reciprocate in kind and made her feel foolish for having physical needs at all. She’d learned to deal with his gradual lack of interest by shutting down and pretending she was somewhere else until he’d complained that her dullness meant he was justified in seeking sexual excitement outside their marriage.
Looking back, she wished she’d had the courage to stand up to him, but like all women of her class, she’d been taught to put up with a faithless husband by ignoring the inevitable. She wished she’d taken a lover earlier, but Hector had made her feel useless enough not to even try.
And now Julian had brought all the suppressed physicality she’d hidden beneath the surface to sudden, shocking life, and she was somewhat afraid of whom she’d become. … She wanted him at the most inconvenient times, and a simple touch of his hand fired up her senses in a way she’d never imagined possible. She even relished fighting, because when he allowed his annoyance to show, she sensed she could provoke him even more.
She sighed so hard she almost blew out the candles. This was not helping her relax. She reached into the drawer beside her bed and retrieved the silk bag Olivia had given her on the first anniversary of Hector’s death.
“Now that you’ve pretended to mourn him, Carenza, it’s time to take care of yourself.”
The bag contained a scandalously carved jade penis, which Carenza had come to appreciate immensely. She released the silk cords at the neck of the bag and let the dildo slide out onto her palm, where it lay heavy and cold. Her thumb caressed the intricately carved details of the tip, and she shivered with anticipation.
Her last thought, as she slid her hand beneath the covers and parted her thighs, was that Julian would enjoy watching her pleasure herself. With that picture firmly in mind, she closed her eyes and slid the solid weight home.
CHAPTER12
“Good evening, ladies.” Aragon beamed as he greeted Carenza and Allegra after they entered the drawing room. “I’m so glad that you could come.”
Julian was standing beside his mother and had heard her sudden intake of breath when the Musgrove sisters had been announced. She was now realizing exactly whom her eldest son had invited to dinner. He wondered what she would do. Common courtesy dictated that she would act as if nothing was wrong, welcome her guests with decorum rather than warmth, and ensure that the evening went as well as could be expected.
“Is this your doing?” she murmured without turning her head.
“Nothing to do with me, Mother. It was all Aragon’s idea.”
“I doubt that. I’m aware that you are attempting to exert your influence over my son, and I do not appreciate it.”
“One might think a mother would be pleased that both her sons are getting along so famously.” Julian smiled at her. “In truth, I am glad to call Aragon a friend.”
There was no time to say more, as Aragon brought Carenza and Allegra over to greet their hostess.
“Mother, you remember Lady Carenza and Lady Allegra, don’t you?”
“Of course.” She inclined her head an icy inch.
