“What was that, princess?” I murmur, my brain floating on a haze of oxytocin.
“Last night,” Aurelia mumbles. “I said I was too tired to, um… You know.” She lets out a shaky exhale, and I rub reassuring circles on her back, my fingers alive with the electric bliss of touching her skin. “I wasn’t too tired; I just couldn’t do it.”
“Do you want to talk about why?”
“You don’t want to be burdened with my mess.”
I have to crane my neck, but the little content humshe makes when I kiss the top of her head is worth the strain. “Your feelings and needs and concerns aren’t burdensome, Aurelia.”
She swallows hard, and I’m sure her lip is back firmly between her teeth again. “I don’t want to disparage your beliefs or anything.”
I huff a laugh. “About masturbation?”
“No,” she giggles nervously. “Like, religion and god and stuff.”
“I’m a big boy, princess. I can handle the company of people with different views on religion andstuff.”
“It’s just.” She heaves a sigh. “Okay, so my church when I was growing up was like really uptight about sex and stuff. Like more than normal, I think. And they just made it out to be bad and dirty, and masturbation was just as bad, and I was scared to touch myself because I thought god would punish me and my crazy teenaged brain started making associations and I thought that if god could make Mary pregnant as a reward for her faithfulness then he could also punish me with pregnancy for disobeying him.”
Aurelia gasps for air, and I take a minute to sort through her confession. The longer I think about it, the harder it is to keep my composure.
“So, wait,” I choke out. “You thought if you masturbated, that God would punish you by supernaturally impregnating you? Aurelia, that’s?—”
“Don’t you dare laugh at me.” She pushes at my chest, but I don’t let her get far. Her scowl is too damnadorable, and I have to kiss the furrow between her eyebrows.
“I’m not laughing at you, Aurelia,” I say, definitely failing at not laughing.
“Ugh, I know it sounds stupid, but fear was a big motivator in that church, and we were constantly reminded of righteous judgement and wrath. And, I don’t know, I just got it in my head that god would be like: ‘Oh, she wants the pleasure of sex without the consequences. Well, I’ll just give her the consequences anyway.’”
“I think God is less concerned about sex than certain folks like to think He is.”
Her green eyes flash beneath dark lashes, andfuck,she’s gorgeous, all big eyes and messy hair and post-orgasm glow. “You think so?”
I nod sagely, like I have God’s direct authority on the topic. Which, I mean, I’m the future ceremonial head of the church and all. “God made our bodies, right? And our bodies experience sexual desire and pleasure, right? And if God is infallible, then that didn’t happen by accident.”
“Isgod infallible?” she challenges, a clear note of skepticism in her voice.
“He has to be. Or else He isn’t God.”
“Hmmm…”
Pushing a damp strand of hair from her forehead, I press a closed-mouth kiss to her downturned lips. “You are, of course, obliged to whatever theology you wish, mi’ lady. But I hope we can start to untangle some ofthis puritanical bullshit. Together. Bodies are made to be enjoyed, Aurelia, and I very much enjoyed yours today.”
She giggles. “I enjoyed yours as well, Friedrich.”
“Good. Now that’s settled.” I push to stand, and she grunts in protest as our bodies separate. “Wait here, mi’ lady.”
Snatching a pair of sweats from my dresser, I slip into the bathroom and peel off my trousers sticky with dried cum. I deflate a little when I return to the bedroom, and Aurelia is fully dressed and sitting on the very edge of my bed. Her hair is still a mess, and her lips are red and swollen from our wild kisses. She doesn’t meet my eyes until I offer a hand to her. Her body back in my space has me wanting to touch her all over again, but I won’t push. She’s entrusted me with something sacred, and I need to take my time in order to keep her safe, regardless of how much my dick protests.
“Come,” I grip her hand tighter. “Let’s have tea.”
“Oh, I, uh.” She clears her throat. “I don’t really like tea.”
“That’s a hanging offense around here, you know.”
She giggles. “Sorry, I’m American. We don’t share the love for the leaf water that you do.”
“Leaf water?” I snort. “God, you’re so fucking cute.” I pull her into my side and press a kiss to the top of her head. “How about coffee then?” I offer as we go downstairs.
