My voice comes out smaller than I want it to. “What if it’s not enough time?”
“There won’t be,” she says in that blunt tone, and my body goes stiff.
The words hollow me out. My heart races like it’s trying to hold on to every second, to every breath I’ve ever taken with him, terrified of how little of us might be left when the world decides we’ve had enough. For a moment, I can almost see it—Aleksandr’s hand slipping from mine, not because he wants to let go, but because everything else tears us apart.
“They know officer Lyon is missing, and it is only a matter of time before they find the body,” Nadia adds, her voice quiet but sharp as glass, “then it’s done.”
Her words hang between us, heavy and sure, like smoke that refuses to clear. A chill runs over my skin that has nothing to do with the cool air.
I lower my hands slowly and look at her. “You think they’ll find it soon?”
“I think they always do.” She stabs another bite of cake with her fork, chews thoughtfully. “You married Aleksandr after the first time he was messy with a kill, malen'kaya. I assume he was only messy because you showed up.”
“I—I didn’t mean to—” I sit up straighter, panic scraping up my throat as my eyes fly to hers, wide and unsure.
But Nadia, loosened by a few glasses of Hugo Spritz, just waves me off, her hand slicing lazily through the air. “I know,” she says with a soft chuckle, leaning forward to swipe a finger through the icing that’s pooling on the edge of the plate between us. Shelicks it without shame, then shrugs. “I know what it’s like—to be pulled to someone like a tide you can’t fight. To have someone make a mess out of you when you pride yourself on control.”
The wordcontrolhits me like a struck match. My pulse stutters, because Aleksandr is control incarnate. Every move, every breath of his life is measured like he runs the world with a ruler, and still I undo him.
I rest my plate on my lap, my appetite gone. “And you’re okay? With… all of this?” My voice sounds too small. “With me? With him and me?”
Nadia snorts like the question is ridiculous, but I catch the faintest curve of a smile at the corner of her mouth. “I always knew,” she says, not looking at me, just at the sky. “From the beginning. The way he looked at you? There was never another option. You were inevitable.”
The word pulls at something in my chest, something tender. “I didn’t want to take anything away from you.”
“You didn’t.” She says it simply, like there’s nothing more to discuss.
Her hand drifts over, fingers brushing my knee. It’s not often that Nadia touches anyone without purpose, and the small weight of it nearly undoes me.
Nadia’s gaze flicks toward me, a small, crooked smile tugging at her mouth, the kind she uses when she’s trying to make something easier than it really is. “It’s not your fault that the person you can’t help but want is Aleksandr,” she says softly. “Even if I’ll never fully understand why it has to be him.”
“Aleksandr is just… I don’t know.” The words fall out of me, useless, because how do you explain a feeling that has no edges?
“I say the same thing about Sho,” she murmurs, resting her chin on her shoulder like the name alone makes her tired and alive all at once. “He’s everything. He’s who I want, and I don’t know why. God, I’d change it if I could. Life would be so much easier.”
I draw in a long breath, feeling every word she says settle deep, because I know exactly what she means. Nadia and I are two halves of the same terrible, hopeless coin.
“Loving Aleksandr is like breathing, Nadi,” I whisper. “It’s the only thing that’s never been hard.”
“I know,” she says, curling her arms around her knees, pulling herself in tight. “What I feel for Sho… it’s like finally being able to breathe after a lifetime of drowning.”
I smile at that, a slow, aching kind of smile, because this version of Nadia—unguarded, tender—is one she only lets out when no one else is looking. It’s an honor to be trusted with it. To be loved like a little sister by Nikolai. To be protected and claimed as family by Nadia. And to be consumed, undone, and made whole all at once by Aleksandr.
It is the only honor I have ever kept for myself.
Nadia leans back on her elbows and lets out a long, jaw-cracking yawn. “You should go to bed. You’ve got an early flight in the morning.”
I blink at her. “A flight?”
Her mouth quirks. “Flight, Lils. Your honeymoon.”
“Honeymoon?” The word feels foreign on my tongue, like something meant for other people.
“Yuuup,” she says, dragging the syllable out. “Gwen packed for you, so check your bags. Make sure there’s more than lace in there, because she has… priorities.”
“Oh my—” I smack my palm to my forehead and hop to my feet, the cake plate wobbling dangerously before I set it aside. “Wait, what about King?”
“I’ll watch him for you. Now go.”
