Sighing, I take his hand and bring it to my lips, kissing it gently. “Come over for dinner tonight?” He opens his mouth as if to protest, but I place a finger over his lips. “I’ll tell you everything, I just… I can’t do it here. Not when I have class.”
If I’ve read Luca right in our past interactions, he doesn’t like waiting for news, fearing the worst, but I can’t get into it during the school day. I’ll end up trying to snap someone in half if Luca can’t touch me to calm me down, and I’ll get fired for sure.
Luca and I would be able to date in the open if that happened, but I’m sure he wouldn’t want to date a felon.
He bites his bottom lip for a moment, then nods. Cupping his chin, I kiss him quickly. “I promise you’ll have all your answers tonight.”
“Okay, Professor. I have to go. I have class.”
“Of course. I’ll see you this evening. Six o’clock.”
“I’ll be there.”
When Luca leaves, I blow out a long breath, wondering if I’ll be able to get my thoughts together enough to tell him what happened. It’s not like I’m the only person who’s been hurt in their past. I’m just the only person I know who almost lost everything because of it.
Shaking my head, I leave my office and head to Crista’s, planning to give her a piece of my mind. I was going to tell him on my own time.
When I burst into her office, she already has a guilty look on her face, holding her hands up in surrender. “I know what you’re going to say.”
“Do you?” I ask, ticking up an eyebrow and taking up a perch on the end of her desk for a change.
She blows out a breath and stands, coming around to my side of the desk. “Yeah, I do. And I’m sorry. You two have spent so much time together and you’ve gotten so close. I thought you’d already told him. Are you two even talking, or just doing mouth-to-mouth for hours on end?”
“Yes, we fucking talk,” I growl. “We just haven’t gotten to my past yet. It’s not pretty and I don’t want to expose Luca to ugliness.”
Crista looks at me with an almost sad expression. “Life isn’t pretty, Mad. Sometimes we have to show our partner all the ugly so they can appreciate our beauty. You think Mika and I have a picture-perfect relationship? That we didn’t come with our own ugliness before we met?”
I shrug, because yeah, I’m not stupid. I know they both have a past, but it’s so easy to think that they just clicked and everything came easy for them. They’re so perfect together. But she’s right and I know it.
Crista continues. “You know what I went through with my ex-wife.”
I hiss, looking away. It was the first time I ever felt compelled to toss a woman off a building.
One morning, Crista came to my house with a swollen lip and a bruise high on her cheek. Her ex-wife had beaten her for not having dinner ready, even though Crista was a full-time professor and her ex worked from home.
Turns out, Crista was in an abusive relationship for close to a year and I hadn’t known.
It took Crista hours to calm me down enough that I didn’t storm over to her house with a butcher’s knife to end her ex, and even longer so I wouldn’t jump across the courtroom bench to fucking strangle her ex for hurting her when the case finally went to trial. Crista got a lifetime protection order against her, and she was sentenced to five years in prison for assault.
So yeah, I know about her ugliness, and I know it took a lot of trust to let her guard down enough to click so hard with Mika.
Why does it seem so daunting to tell Luca what I went through, and why do I think he’d look at me differently if he knew?
Crista puts a hand under my chin, turning my face towards her. “He’ll love you no matter what you say. I know it. That boy is smitten. As soon as I said your name, a light shone under his skin, brightening his entire face. You’re it for him, Mad.”
My heart races as I think about Luca. Something about that man makes me feel so light, so buoyant, that it’s hard to stay grounded. Not even…hemade me feel this good. Yes, there was love there and I thoughthewould be the man I grew old with, but I was fooled.
Luca wouldn’t do that. He’s too honest, too sweet. Luca wears his emotions on his face, unable to hide what he feels, even when he tries. I’m not being made a fool of twice in my life. It’s just hard to see sometimes.
Glaring up at Crista, though I know it holds no bite, I say, “Yeah, whatever. Next time, keep my secrets or I won’t tell you shit else.”
She breathes a relieved laugh, and I smile at her so she knows I don’t mean it. “I promise. Other than Mika, you’re my best friend. I don’t want to betray your trust. I just thought you two had already spoken. I’ll stay in my lane.”
Not wanting to, but knowing I have to be an adult, I admit, “We should have. I didn’t think there would be more between us but sex. But Crista… he’s much more than I thought he’d be. He’s everything. Everything I’ve always wanted. Sweet, smart, weirdly funny, so damn pliant, but strong at the same time. He makes me whole.”
“Like Mika does for me. Sometimes, we get lucky and find the people who heal us. I’m glad you found your person. I was getting worried for you.”
I give her a dry look. “Yeah, well, thanks for pushing me to talk about my past.” I push off her desk and head to the door, but turn around before I exit and ask, “How did you even see him to talk about me?”
