But little Luca, with his sweetness and his innocence, is bulldozing all that pain and hurt I’ve been through by just being him, showing me who he is and what he wants with no reservation. It’s more than I got in my years’ long relationship that made me how I am.
Maybe… fuck, I don’t know. But looking into his eyes, seeing how much trust and emotion is behind his gaze, I need to figure out if I want our arrangement to remain just physical so I’m not stringing him along.
But I’m too selfish to give him up while I fight with my indecision.
Fuck, I wish I could talk to Crista about all this. She knows all the shit from my past. She could tell me what the fuck I should do.
I scoff as I turn back towards my class. I’m a man in my forties—I don’t need someone to tell me what I have to do.
But it could help to run some shit by her, to make sure I’m doing right by Luca, even if we’re just sharing our bodies.
I can’t tell her, though. She’ll only tell me not to get involved with a student or I’ll ruin my career. I’m not stupid, I know what could happen if we’re caught—more to Luca than to me. I’m tenured, so short of murder, there’s no way they can fire me. But our relationship would follow Luca his entire collegiate career. He might not get into the grad program here, and he’d leave me for ruining his life.
Goddammit! It’s all such a fucking mess, so confusing. I should have left him at Mask, should have told him to leave instead of taking him back to that room.
But looking over my shoulder, seeing his sweet, innocent face and guileless eyes… nah, I don’t regret it.
I just regret not getting help for my past so I could be a better man for him.
Blowing out a long breath, I move the students along to the next act of the play.
After the disaster that is my intro class, I dismiss my students and have Luca collect the play scripts while I head back to my office. I don’t have classes for the next two blocks, so there’s time to update grades and assignments and implement this system Luca set up for me.
I’m only alone for a few minutes when Luca slips into my office, pressing the door closed behind him. The sound of the lock clicking makes my heart race.
“Hey, Professor,” he says in that breathy way I love. I also love when he calls me Professor. I’m not sure how Maddox would sound on his lips, but Professor sounds downright sinful.
“Luca.” I open my legs and Luca comes around the desk, sitting on my lap without prompting.
I thumb over his bottom lip and his eyes flutter closed, a soft smile tipping up his lips. “I’m almost done with my psych group project. One more session and we should be good to turn it in.”
A smile wants to bloom across my face, but I keep it contained, not wanting to appear too eager. “That means…?”
He drops his eyes, looking at me through his lashes. “That means I can come over… and stay the night?” His voice goes up at the end in a question.
“You can come over anytime, little lamb.” I bring him in for a quick kiss. “This weekend?”
“Yes, please. I think my roommate will be gone. He used to be in the dorm with me all the time, but now that he has a scary boyfriend, he spends a lot of time with him.”
“Who’s your roommate?”
“Zander Braithe. The quarterback?”
I nod, smiling. “I know him well. He’s a good guy.”
“He is,” Luca says, a warm smile on his face. The only thing that keeps my jealousy at bay is that it’s not the same smile he reserves for me. And Luca says he has a boyfriend. If Zander kissing Kerian Slade, the quarterback from Meridian University, on television meant anything, that’s who Luca is talking about.
Slade doesn’t look like the type who would share his man, not even with someone as sweet as Luca, so I have nothing to worry about.
“But,” Luca continues. “He used to be around a lot more. I never really understood much when he had me watch games with him, but it was nice to have him around. Now that he’s gone, it’s kind of lonely.”
Grinning, I pull him higher onto my lap. “You’re welcome to come over anytime you need entertainment.” My voice drops to a low growl as I say, “I have a few ways to keep you entertained.”
Luca does that little noise in the back of his throat I’ve come to recognize as being both curious and aroused. “I… mmm… I actually have a few ideas of my own.”
Winging up a brow, I say, “Yeah? Tell me, little lamb.”
He bites his bottom lip, his brown eyes almost fathomless. “Yeah. I was… uhm… doing research.”
