I don’t like the way he says my name, but I still answer. “Yes, Professor?”
His eyes search my face, his jaw ticking for a moment before he blows out a slow breath. “I can’t…” For the first time, Professor Levine looks like he’s unsure as his fingers drag through his hair. “I can’t give you more than… that. Whatever this is, whatever we’re doing. It can only be physical. Do you understand?”
Did I understand? He invited me to some unknown location and then told me all we were going to do was hook up.
And even as I think to tell him that I do understand and it isn’t enough… my mind drifts back to how it felt in his office when I was between his legs, how my body tingles every time he calls megood. I don’t actually understand, and I’m not even sure thatIwant anything more than physical out of this.
Isn’t it okay to just be with someone because they make you feel good?
“I understand,” I whisper. “I’ll take what I can get.”
I don’t miss the way his face falls slightly, and I can feel it when my heart drops to follow. Whatever I can get.
I’m not sure if that’s going to be enough, but I know I want him too much to mess this up by trying to understand why I’m not enough to be worthmore.
Chapter
Fourteen
MADDOX
I didn’t wantto drop that bomb on Luca earlier, but he had to know. I can’t give him all of me. Not only am I too damaged, I’m too afraid that if he leaves me too, he’ll shred any last semblance of who I used to be. Then students and faculty really will have a reason to call me a hard-ass.
I’m barely hanging on as it is, that box wanting to be opened again and again, but I’m pushing it away, staying in the now.
I want Luca. I want all of him, whatever he’s willing to give me.
And doesn’t that make me a hypocrite, because I can’t give him all of me.
Whatever. At least I’m the one he comes to when he needs a break, when he needs peace and comfort. That’s enough for me. Maybe it’ll be enough for him as well.
Crista corners me before I can leave to get ready for Luca, tapping her foot that’s clad in some expensive-ass heels. “Uh, did you forget you have friends?”
I roll my eyes as I adjust my bag on my shoulder. “How could I forget? I have exactly one.”
“No one’s fault but yours, Scrooge.”
“You do know Scrooge was greedy, right? Not just unfriendly?”
“Dr. Frankenstein?"
“Mad scientist, not theater professor.”
She huffs as we walk down the hallway, her heels clicking loudly. “Well, whoever. You’re grumpy and that’s why you have no friends.”
Before I can tell her it’s because I hate people, Professor Hilman steps out of an adjoining hallway, grinning that smarmy smile I fucking hate.
God, I hate this fucking guy. Across campus, he’s seen as some helpful professor, the one students go to when they need extra help or encouragement. It seems like a ploy to me.
He’stoohelpful,tooeager to be seen as the good guy. Something about him gets under my skin, but Crista tells me I’m too hard on people. Whatever, I don’t like the guy.
I also hate his stupid face.
The first time I told Crista I felt a vibe, she told me it was because Hilman was genial and friendly, the complete opposite of me. I remindedherthat she was the same way and I’ve never felt anything off with her. She put thought into it and said she could see what I was saying, but he’d not done anything wrong, so my assumptions were just that.
One of these days, I’ll be proven right. I’m not sure when, but it’ll happen.
Hilman falls into step with us and I scowl at him. “We were talking,” I mutter.
