He shakes his head slowly, still looking at me with those rounded eyes, like he doesn’t know if what he said was the right answer or not. “I… don’t… uhm…”
When Luca sways, I forget all about him looking resistant to touch and grab under his elbow, leading him into one of the empty back rooms.
After shutting us inside, I lead Luca over to a chair and grab him a bottle of water.
He takes it gratefully, gulping down the water so fast some slips from the left corner of his mouth.
Luca pants when he stops drinking, wiping his face with a shaky hand. “Sorry,” he whispers.
I realize his panting isn’t because he’s tired. Kneeling in front of him, I take his face in my hands, watching how his pupils expand to eat up all the brown.
“Breathe for me, Luca. Deep breath in, hold it. Yeah, just like that. Now let it out. Good. You’re doing good.”
That dopey look he had in my office enters his gaze as a soft smile lifts his lips.
“Good boy,” I whisper as he takes another breath.
Luca shudders softly, placing a trembling hand atop mine. “Good? I can be good…”
I let the smile bloom now, hearing that gasp once more. I know I’m a scary sonofabitch to most people, and it’s not often I smile. But Luca is so fucking precious, it’s hard not to.
“Why are you here, Luca?” I ask, hoping a smile and a soft tone will help him open up.
Pulling his lips in, he looks into my eyes but shakes his head, his cheeks going from pink to bright red. I can almost feel theheat coming off him. It’s… sexier than it should be, his shy vulnerability.
And it’s not an act he’s putting on—this is Luca. A ball of anxiety with a cute face. So different fromhimthat I chide myself for even comparing. From here on out, I’ll have to start seeing Luca as his own person, and not let my shitty past make me dictate who he is.
It’ll be easier said than done, but Luca deserves that.
Thumbing over his cheek, I say, “You came here to explore? To empty your brain?”
His teeth sink into his bottom lip, and the sight is so intoxicating I have to adjust my hips so he doesn’t see my hard-on.
I can tell by the set of Luca’s shoulders when he’s in my office that he’s strung tight. But why? Classes? School? His need to do well at everything he tries? Does he ever get a break from trying to be perfect?
Still talking in a low, soothing tone, I ask, “What’s up there that you want out?”
Again, he just shakes his head, but he glances away this time, as if what he wants is something to be embarrassed about. In a place like this, there is no shame. You want what you want and like what you like. Mask is welcoming to everyone, as long as they’re legal consenting adults and no animals are involved.
Tipping his chin up so he meets my eyes once again, I say, “I can shut your brain off if that’s what you want. I can make it so you don’t think about anything but the words I say to you. Do you want that?”
Luca stares deeply at me, searching my gaze. Finally, he nods his head slowly, though he looks so lost.
“Thank you for telling me,” I say, watching how he preens under my approval.
Praise kink. I can work with that.
“Safe words,” I say.
He blinks quickly, as if bringing me into focus. “I… what?”
“Give me your safe word, so I’ll stop if you’re uncomfortable.”
Opening and closing his mouth, Luca looks panicked, like I just asked him for the nuclear codes.
Before he can spiral, I say, “Okay, your safe word is teacher. If you want things to stop, say teacher, okay?” He nods, but I say, “I need words.”
In a voice barely above a whisper, Luca says, “Okay.”
