“I’m not—”
“Then why?” he shouts, the calm king cracking. “Why are you acting like it doesn’t matter?”
I stay quiet.
“Answer m—”
“Because I’m scared!” I yell, my voice echoing.
Silence falls so quickly it rings in my ears. He slowly lowers himself back into his seat, stunned.
My voice cracks. “I’m scared.”
Dimitri’s tone softens. “Of what?”
I stare down at my hands. “He was supposed to rule with me. He wasn’t allowed in the trials because he was fae, and only humans can participate, but we were going to find a way around that. A loophole. We were going to rule together. King and queen. Side by side.” My throat tightens, and I press my lips together to keep from crying. “I knew he would have made a good ruler. I never doubted that. But me?” I finally look up, tears threatening to fall. “I’m not so sure,” I whisper.
He doesn’t say anything, but Ravelle moves to sit next to me, reaching for my hand.
“I thought I was strong,” I say quietly. “But lately…I’m breaking all the damn time. I’ve lost him, I’ve lost myself, and now…now I’m expected to lead? To—to stand up to Elowen? To face all of this like I know what I’m doing? Well, Idon’t.” I take a shaky breath. “I don’t know what I’m doing or who I even am without him.”
For a long time, Dimitri says nothing. Then, he gentlymurmurs, “You were always going to be queen, Serenya. With or without him. That hasn’t changed.”
“But I neverwantedit without him.” I hate how small my voice sounds.
He leans back in his chair, his anger gone, replaced by something quieter and sadder. Understanding. “I know. But maybe that’s exactly why you have to. For him. For what the two of you believed in.”
I wipe my eyes.
“And for the world he left behind,” he adds.
I don’t answer right away. My chest rises and falls in silence as I sit with the truth of my fear out in the open. Dimitri’s words echo through my mind.With or without him.I never imagined a future where I wore the crown, and Kallan wasn’t beside me, steady and smiling and strong. But now…there is just me.
…And maybe Koen.
That thought lingers at the edge of my mind, strange and soft, like a dream I am still not ready to acknowledge.
“Serenya, we need you.Please,” Dimitri says softly.
I look up at him, my voice quiet but certain. “Okay. I’ll help you.”
His shoulders relax. The tension in his posture eases like a tide pulling back from shore. There is a flicker of relief in his eyes and something like pride.
“Are you sure?” he asks.
“No,” I admit with a small, sad laugh. “I’m still terrified.”
“Good. That means you understand the weight of it.”
“I’m not promising that I will be perfect,” I say. “But I won’t run from this anymore. I’ll do what I can. I’ll fight.”
He gives a short nod. “That’s all I ask.”
“You said Elowen has an artifact already. What is it?”
“I don’t know yet. I’ve sent word to every informant I trust and a few I don’t.” He offers a grim smile. “I’ll find out.”
“Then I will stay here. In Noctheron. Until I have to return to Syltheriel for the final trial.” It also gives me time away from Koen to sort out my feelings. I don’t say that, though.
