Torin bows mockingly. “Oh, by all means, Ren, take control.”
I narrow my eyes and slam my hilt against his guard. He stumbles, laughing.
Sweat drips down my spine as we trade blows. Torin fights fast and fluid, while I fight measured and precise. His grin only widens with every strike.
“Too rigid,” Merek calls. “You need to flow with him.”
I adjust, letting my stance loosen. When Torin lunges again, I hook under his blade and send him sprawling.
He lies there staring at the sky, then he barks out a laugh. “I regret teaching you half my tricks.”
Merek’s mouth twitches. “Good. That means she hasn’t forgotten how to fight.”
I extend a hand. “Up.”
Torin takes it, grumbling under his breath.
Merek studies me, approval in his eyes. “Again,” he orders.
I smile faintly. “Gladly.”
Torin was right. This is exactly what I needed. The weight in my chest eases with each strike, even as sweat soaks my leathers.
When it’s over, Torin hurries off to find my cousin, Alira—his other half. I linger, putting my blade away.
“You’ve still been practicing,” Merek says as he approaches. “I feared you’d given it up.”
I look down. “I come here sometimes to spar with Torin. When I get too…in my head…like today.” For a second, I wonder if today is still hard for him, too.
He gives me a soft smile, his blond hair and gray eyes so much like Kallan’sthat it hurts. “You’re welcome here any time, Serenya. I won’t push. But we’d love to have you.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
He nods and strides away.
Instead of returning to my chambers, my feet carry me to the gardens. The scent of roses and wet stone fillsthe air, the palace walls almost hidden by the tall hedges. For a moment, it feels like another world.
The training helped. While I was in the ring, I could silence the noise and just focus on movement. However, now my thoughts have become loud again. Tomorrow, the champions will arrive. I will be expected to marry one. To stand beside him, ruling together. That thought makes it hard to breathe, like someone has reached inside me and is squeezing my lungs.
By the time I arrive at the fountain in the center of the gardens, the last light of the sun ripples across the water. I stare at the water, not recognizing the reflection staring back at me. She looks tired, like someone who’s been haunted by a ghost for far too long.
I don’t want this. I don’t want vows only made out of duty. How can I be expected to give my heart to one of them when it will always belong to Kallan? How do I keep going when part of me is still stuck in the past, with him? How do I keep living when I’ve already lost what mattered most?
The thought of standing beside another feels wrong, like carving a lie into my skin only for the sake of duty.
I press my palm to the edge of the fountain’s cold stone.His deep laughter echoes in my mind—light, careless, and full of warmth. A sound that could chase storms away. I can still feel his smile brushing against mine. He was more than just my love. He was my light in a world that never stopped trying to devour me. He was my safe place.
“Kallan,” I whisper, voice shaking. “I miss you…so much that it’s hard to breathe. You said we would face everything together. You promised I wouldn’t have to do this without you.You promised.Why did you have to leave me?” A lump forms in my throat.“It wasn’t supposed to be like this. How am I supposed to get through it without you?”
I thought time would make it easier to breathe without him. But every year, every month, every day, it feels just as sharp and painful, as if he’s been taken from me over and over again.
My shadows curl around me, trying to comfort me even though I know they miss him, too. A breeze stirs, making rose petals scatter across the water. Among them, a single golden leaf drifts down, spinning gently as it falls.
My chest constricts as I watch it. The leaf doesn’t belong here among the petals. It’s too early in the season for leaves to fall. But here it is. Bright, beautiful, and alone.
I stare at it until my vision blurs, but no tears come. They never do. I haven’t been able to cry in years. The pain sits heavy in my chest, a constant pain that makes it hard to breathe. Yet, at the same time, there’s nothing—only emptiness. Just a shell of who I used to be.
It’s been twenty-eight years. Half my soul was torn away that day. Nothing has filled that void since. I don’t thinkanything ever will.
