The scent of lavender and vanilla clings to her, reminding me this isn’t in my head. This is real.
And it is so much worse than I imagined.
Her earlier words replay in my mind. The way she spoke about him. Hearing his name on her lips felt like a blade twisting slowly in my chest. I know it’s unfair of me to feel this way.
And yet, I’m jealous. He had her in ways I have onlyever known in sleep. Ways I crave with an intensity that frightens me. I cannot stop wondering what it was like to love and be loved in a way that leaves marks so deep.
Her tattoo glows faintly in the moonlight, drawing my attention again. I have traced it with my fingers in the dark. Kissed it a thousand times in dreams that felt more like memories. Now it’s right there…just out of reach.
It’s maddening.
I glance at her from the corner of my eye, careful not to let her see the storm inside me. I want to close the distance, to kiss her. But I don’t. I can’t. Whatever she lost still lives inside her, and I don’t know where that leaves me.
She walks beside me, close enough to touch, yet impossibly far away.
I want her. That much is undeniable. But I have to remind myself that wanting her does not mean I get to have her.
I force my hands to unclench. My heart pounds with the truth I cannot ignore: if I want any chance with her, patience is the only thing I have.
When we finally near the palace, she stops, turning to face me.
“Koen.”
I turn to her, attempting to mask the war going on inside my head.
“I should have said this before, but thank you for saving me from that nemorak.”
I open my mouth to tell her she almost died because of me, but she shakes her head as if she could hear my thoughts.
“Don’t. I don’t blame you. Everyone loses controlsometimes. It’s normal.” She glances toward the path, then meets my gaze again. Her voice softens. “What’s important is having someone who cares enough to bring you back.”
I just stare, stunned. Then she smiles. Not polite. Not guarded. Arealsmile. One that she hasn’t given Lioran or Asbel or anyone else during my time here. One I have only ever seen in my dreams.
She turns and continues toward the ballroom. I remain frozen for a moment, pulse hammering.
Then I follow. Being near her feels like coming home to something I never knew I had lost. Like recognizing a melody I have always known, even though I’ve never heard it aloud.
Chapter 36
?---- Serenya ? ----?
I slip into my chambers after the ball, shedding the glittering gown for a soft nightdress and pulling on a robe. My feet pad quietly out of the door as I make my way to my parents' chambers to see my father. I don’t expect him to be awake, but when I push the door open to the still room, there he is, reading. He sets his book down when he sees me.
“Renya,” he says, eyes lighting up.
Something in me unravels at the sight of him. I knew I missed him while I was away, but I didn’t realize exactly how much. I sit on the edge of the bed next to him, and the words tumble out before I can stop them. “I’m sorry for being gone so long. It was selfish of me to leave when I should have been here, caring for you.”
He waves a hand, dismissing it with a small smile. “Nonsense. The other healer did just fine.” Still, I see the concern in his eyes. He asks softly, “Where were you, Serenya?”
I take a breath and tell him everything. I tell him about Osric, about sending the shadow with Koen before the secondtrial, rushing off to save him, and walking through his magic to bring him back. About waking up in Noctheron, being saved by Dimitri, and helping him with Elowen. Every secret I’ve carried, every fear, every decision. It feels good to finally lay it all bare.
When I finish, he sits back and studies me, expression tender. “You’ve been through a lot,” he says. “I’m glad you rekindled your friendship with Dimitri.”
I blink, confused. “But…the vampires—”
He chuckles softly, reading the question in my face. “His father was the one who caused so much harm. There was nothing the prince could do until after you…well, after you killed Emris and Dimitri was able to take the throne. Nothing the vampires had done was Dimitri’s doing, yet he’s done much to right the wrongs. I respect him for that.”
I stare at him, startled. “You…you know I—”
