“You don’t get to turn it off and on when you want to. If I could, I would’ve turned it off for him a long time ago. At the height of his addiction, it was rough. Every day was filled with fear and stress and anger. That’s when I became known as The Bouche. I had nowhere for the pain to go so I let it out on the ice. I talked shit and provoked fights, racked up penalties, and slammed players into the boards like it was required. It helped,but only temporarily. I’d go home and sit in my dark apartment waiting for the news that he was dead or in jail. Weeks would go by and I’d have no idea where he was. Sometimes I just drove around downtown looking for any sign of him.”
“Addiction is torture for everyone affected.”
“It is. I even went to therapy, but that didn’t help. Nothing helped.” He looks down at his hands for a moment then back up at me. “So yeah, if I could stop loving him I would’ve done that by now just to save myself some heartache.”
I nod, remaining quiet.
“He was right about something else, too. I’ve spent my entire life living it for other people. My team, my mom, Boone. I know it’s time for me to retire, but I’ve been too afraid of what’s on the other side of that. I never built a life for myself outside of hockey. I don’t have any friends who aren’t other hockey players. I don’t have hobbies or interests. I don’t have people.”
“Pax—”
He raises a hand to stop me. “But I have you, don’t I?”
I perk up at that. “Yes. You have me.”
“Not gonna lie, I don’t know how to reconcile what I know about you with what you do, but maybe it doesn’t matter? Because the idea of walking away from you kills me, and I don’t want to hurt anymore. I want to see what we can be together. I’m fucking scared, Wraith, but in a good way.”
“Do you mean it? You want to try this with me?”
“I’m already doing it. Snuck the fuck up on me.”
We both laugh and I take a cautious step forward. “I can make you happy. With me, you can do anything. You can find all those hobbies and interests and people you didn’t have time for before. You’re safe with me.”
He nods. “The way you are with Boone says a lot about who you are at your core. Maybe you have this other side I’ve never seen, but I’ve seen the good parts. I get the good parts.”
Unable to resist anymore, I close the distance between us,drop to my knees between his legs, and cup his face. “You are the good parts.”
I bring our mouths together, exhaling with relief as he melts into me, but the kiss is interrupted when my phone buzzes several times. Briefly, I press our foreheads together.
“I need to see what’s going on.”
“Of course.”
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I smile at him before forcing myself to look at the screen. The Murder Buddies chat is on fire right now. I swipe quickly to open the app.
Shadow: Joey Biggs got back to me. It’s bad. Need everyone available downstairs in twenty or less. Wraith, come alone. It happens tonight.
There are a bunch of comments from my brothers, and I add mine to the mix.
Me: What about Pax’s game tonight? He needs coverage.
Shadow: They aren’t after Pax. They want Boone and he’s with us. Trust me.
Me: Always. I’ll be down soon.
Looking up at a curious Pax, I force a smile to my face.
“We’ve got news and we’re moving tonight. You and Boone will be safe.”
“Will you be safe?”
“Hell yes. I’ll be with all my brothers.” I grab his hand and squeeze it. “By morning, this will be over.”
“Really?”
“Really. This is what we do. Not usually on this level, but that’s why we’re all going. Do you feel comfortable going to the game tonight?”
His brow crinkles. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
