“No, Pax. Listen to me. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I don’t want to ruin this thing you have going with Wraith.”
“It’s not like that.”
“I heard you, okay? I was coming back and I stood outside the hotel room and I listened.”
I cringe, thinking about my brother listening to me hate-fuck Wraith.
“There was so much emotion there when you were telling him you couldn’t be with him anymore. I’ve never heard that from you except when you’re talking to me. I didn’t want to be the reason you couldn’t pursue a relationship.”
“You’re not,” Wraith says, his tone bitter. “Don’t forget what Iam, Boone. The fact that I’m helping doesn’t change that. Your brother was right to put distance between us.”
“Oh my god.” Boone chuckles softly. “A martyr, huh? That’s rich.”
“What do you mean?” Wraith asks.
Boone bites into his sandwich, chewing and ignoring the question hanging in the air.
“Boone.”
He looks up at me, shaking his head. “You love me, right?”
“Of course.”
“And I’m a total fuckup. I’m dangerous to your career and your reputation, but you’ve never walked away from me.”
“You’re my brother.”
“And?”
“What Wraith does is…” I glance at him, but quickly tear my eyes away from the sadness in his. “It’s illegal and immoral.”
Boone cackles at that. “Right. And you’re a fucking saint? What will the church do if they find out?”
“Boone—”
“Should I list all the things I’ve done that are illegal and immoral? I’ve been to prison, Pax. I’ve sold my body to feed my addictions. I’ve stolen, I’ve hurt people, I’ve lied to those I love. I hurt Mom more than I can even deal with, and I’ve hurt you. If you should be done with anyone, it’s me, but here you are, messing up your life again to help me.”
“It’s different,” I mumble.
“Because you promised Mom? Because we’re related?”
“Yes.”
“How do you still love me in spite of all those things?”
“I don’t fucking know, Boone. It’s not a choice. I just do.”
He chomps on a chip as a grin pulls at his lips. “Because that’s how love works. We don’t get to choose it. The only choice we have is what to do with it. You’ve spent your entire adult life alone, pursuing being the hockey god you are and taking care ofyour messed-up brother. When are you gonna be selfish and do something for yourself?”
I glance at Wraith, who has his head down so I can’t see his face. I don’t know what to say.
“You love Wraith,” Boone says. “I can see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice. I heard the pain you felt through that hotel door about letting him go. No one can tell you how to live your life. Especially not me. But fuck, Pax, this is your shot at someone who really fucking loves you.”
I look at Wraith again. He lifts his head, but he’s focused on Boone. His eyes are glassy, which surprises me. Fuck. He does love me. I love him too.
“I’m trying,” I admit, softly. “I am. I don’t want to walk away.”
“Then don’t,” Boone says simply. “Fight for this. There’s always a way through the storm.” He reaches over and squeezes my hand. “I ran because I wanted to get out of your way for once. I came back because I realized how much it would hurt you if something happened to me, and I’m fucking tired of hurting you. I’m tired of being scared and living like I have nothing to lose, because I do. I’m fighting for myself too.”
