“Do you realize, Father, the only time you ever contacted me since I’ve been an adult was to ask me when I intended to marry?”
“That’s not true.” Father tried to sit up again. “There have been other times. After Meredith married. We met in my study in London. We spoke about?—”
“We spoke about how you auctioned off your only daughter to a disgusting old man to pay a gambling debt,” Ash told him. “And the only reason Meredith remains by your side now is because I could never break her heart and tell her the truth about you. She actually sees some good in you. But I am not under the same illusion. I see you for what you are. I always have.”
“You would forego your duty, just to spite me?” Father asked, a snarl on his lips, his thin chest rising and falling with obvious anger.
“Oh, I’d do more than that, just to spite you.” Ash straightened himself to his full height and tugged on the ends of his coat. “You ordered me about when I was a child, but I’ve long since stopped caring about anything you have to say. There will be no Trentham heir. And you can rot in hell.”
And, his nostrils flaring with distaste, Ash had turned on his heel and walked away. There was nothing left to say.
ASH SHOOK HIS HEAD,forcing himself to stop reliving that hated memory. “You’re right,” he said to Southbury. “I did promise him he’d never be a grandfather that day.”
Southbury nodded sagely. “And all these years, it’s been an easy promise for you to keep…becauseyou’ve never been in love.” Southbury paused a moment. No doubt for dramatic effect. “Until now.”
Ash clenched his hands into fists.
But his friend wasn’t finished.
“And now that you’ve fallen in love, you’re questioning all of it. And I’m here to tell you that you should question it. No man remains the same throughout his life, Trentham. We all change over time, and if we’re fortunate, we become the wiser for it.”
Ash didn’t answer. He let his friend’s words settle like so many small anchors in his mind.
“And Iwon’tremind you that you once told me that if you were ever so ‘unfortunate’ as to fall in love, you’d come right out and tell the lady your feelings.” Southbury cleared his throat.“I believe you said you’d much rather be rejected than subject yourself to years of torment the way I did.”
Ash couldn’t help his smile. “Oh, you’renotgoing to remind me of that, are you?”
Southbury gave him an unrepentant grin. “Hmm. I suppose it’s too late now. But I must say, you were right. I should have told Meredith I loved her a hundred times before I ever did. I advise you not to make the same mistake.”
Ash growled in the back of his throat. He wanted to argue with his friend. He wanted to tell him to go straight to hell. But he couldn’t… Because—damn him—Southbury was right.
For years, Ash had convinced himself that love was something to be avoided, something that would trap him, control him,ruinhim.
But sitting here now, the realization crashed over him like a tidal wave, and he understood the truth.
Love wasn’t a weakness.
Love was Clare.
And,God help him, there was every indication that he was in love with her.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
By the time he left Southbury’s house, Ash was on a mission. He spent the rest of the day in his club’s library, pulling out every book of poetry he could find, searching the pages for answers. But all he discovered were words that made his chest tighten—words about longing, about devotion, about wanting to be better for someone else.
Love? Was it this relentless force that made him feel as if he was losing his mind? As if he couldn’t breathe when Clare wasn’t near him? As if he didn’t want to be in a world where she wasn’t by his side?
He’d spent years watching his friends succumb to love, one after another, secure in the knowledge that it wasn’t an emotionhewas even capable of. He’d grown up in a house without a mother, without a father, with only Meredith as family. And, yes, of course, he would do anything for his sister, but this was different. This feeling eclipsed anything he’d ever encountered before. It was maddening. It was all-consuming. It was life-altering.
The books weren’t any help. He tossed them aside and scrubbed a hand through his hair. Next, he did the only thing he could think to…
He went to visit Lucian.
Lucian was even more calm and composed than Southbury. And while Southbury had fallen in love with Meredith when they were still children, Lucian had taken his time realizing his feelings for Gemma. In fact, the man had married her after being forced to due to a scandal and then proceeded to leave the country forover a yearwhile his new wife remained in London alone. Hardly the proper way to go about a marriage.
When he’d finally returned, Gemma had demanded a divorce, and Lucian had finally had to realize what a mistake he’d made in not treating her like the prize she was from the start.
In short, Lucian had been a full-grown man when love had come his way, and he’d bungled the thing unmercifully at first. He’d even asked Ash for lessons in being charming. At the time, Ash had found it quaint that the stoic Duke of Grovemont had come to him looking for advice on matters of the heart.
