Meredith wrapped her arms even more tightly around herself. This was a subject she was loath to discuss…with anyone. Even Griffin.Especially Griffin. But she could tell it was more than just an attempt at changing the subject this time. He seemed almost…angry. Much like he had in the park yesterday when they’d spoken about Maxwell. “You know why,” she replied quietly. “It wasn’t particularly pleasant the first time.”
Griffin stepped toward her, searching her face. “You made a mistake marrying Maxwell. That doesn’t mean that you couldn’t find love with someone else.”
“Love?” Her cheeks heated. “Love?” She could barely breathe. “I stopped believing in love a long time ago.”
“You’ve never been in love, Meredith?” His words were still a bit angry but infused with something else, something almost…sad.
She clenched her jaw. “I’mnothaving this discussion with you, Griffin.” She couldn’t. She couldn’t have this discussion with him. Not now. Notever. She shouldn’t have come out here.
“That’s right.” He snapped his fingers. “You only talk about things that are safe. Like whoIshould marry.”
That was it. She whirled to face him, her nostrils flaring. “Who says I made a mistake marrying Maxwell? You?” Why would he press her on this matter? He already knew quitewell how she felt about marriage. And he knew little about the details of her marriage. She’densuredhe knew little about it. Why wouldn’t he just accept her decision and leave it be?
But Griffin didn’t back down. Instead, her words seemed to have riled him further. “Why not? You could find happiness in the arms of the right man.”
She laughed. She always laughed when things got too intimate. The laugh was fake. She knew it and Griffin knew it, but it didn’t matter. “You’re jesting, aren’t you?” She did her best to make her voice sound unaffected, but her emotions were anything but. She had to make this sound good. She had to make it sound believable.For Griffin’s sake. “Do you know the wonderful thing about being a widow, Griffin?”
“No. No, I don’t,” he nearly spat.
“Freedom.” She lifted her chin sharply. “I have my freedom. And I wouldneverintentionally give that up.”
“Freedom?” he echoed, as if the word was somehow funny.
She nodded but didn’t meet his eyes.
“You only need freedom from someone who won’t allow you to be free.”
“Like a husband,” she shot back.
“Like abadhusband.” His eyes narrowed on her. “You know a loving husband wouldn’t force you to do anything you didn’t choose.” He turned to her and stepped forward. His large hands covered her shoulders. His gaze met hers and held. “Really, Mere.Why? Why are you so dead set against marriage? You have a lot of love to give the right man. We both know Maxwell was never that to you.”
Meredith bit her lip to keep the tears at bay. She pulled away from him and shook her head. She looked out into the darkened gardens, and the tears made her gaze blurry. “I wasa terrible wife, Griffin,” she whispered. “I wouldn’t put another man through that.”
“What? What do you mean?” He searched her profile, concern and confusion etched in his brow.
But Meredith couldn’t speak. Silence fell between them for several moments. “It doesn’t matter, Griffin.”
“It does matter to me. Meredith, I?—”
She shut her eyes and turned her head away. “Don’t say it.”
“Don’t say what?”
“Whatever you were about to say. It won’t change the past and my mind is made up. I cannot marry again. Iwill notmarry again.”
Griffin’s voice was filled with a mixture of sadness and frustration. “Well, as you’ve pointed out many times, Imustmarry. But there is only one woman I can marry…because I ammadlyin love with her.”
Meredith lifted her skirts and ran back to the French doors.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
The Next Morning, The Duke of Southbury’s Study
Griffin couldn’t concentrate on the ledger in front of him. He’d counted the figures nearly half a dozen times already, but each time, thoughts of Meredith and their exchange on the balcony last night made him lose his concentration. It was the first time she’d ever told him anythingrealabout her marriage.
I was a terrible wife. I wouldn’t put another man through that.
Those words haunted him. They’d kept him up last night and kept him from balancing his ledgers today. What could she possibly have meant? She’d refused to tell him and he hadn’t pressed her. He’d known she would only demure further.
