“And he’s missing? He may be hurt?” She twisted her fingers together.
“Yes.” Julian nodded.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Thank you,” he replied. “It’s just that…” He looked away into the darkened hedgerow.
“Yes?” she prompted. “Please, you can tell me.”
Julian groaned and dropped his chin to his chest. “I know it’s selfish but I just can’t help but think… if he doesn’t come back… I can’t…” He raised his head and shook it. “It doesn’t matter. Forgive me for being so morose. It’s unbecoming of this beautiful evening.”
Cass took a deep breath, hoping he didn’t see the tears shimmering in her eyes. Patience Bunbury didn’t know what he would have said next, but Cass did. She knew exactly, and she longed to reach out and run her fingers through his hair, comfort him, say something to relieve his pain. But she couldn’t. She clutched her shaky hands together in her lap. “I do hope your brother returns safely, Captain,” was all she could offer him.
He paused for a moment, then looked up into the twinkling night sky. “May I ask you one more question, Miss Bunbury?”
Cass nodded. “Of course.”
“What do you want out of life?”
She shook her head. He’d caught her off guard, surprised her. Partly because it was such an unexpected question and partly because she couldn’t have imagined Julian would ask such a thing of a nearly complete stranger. But it made her nervous, too. She couldn’t risk saying anything Cass might say. She must answer this question as Patience Bunbury, the woman who didn’t exist. In this case, vagueness was probably best. “Oh, the same thing as most young ladies, I expect.”
“Such as?” he pressed. “Forgive my impertinence, but I find since I’ve returned from war, I’m quite interested in knowing the answer to this question, both for myself and for others. How many people do you think truly know what they want, Miss Bunbury?”
Cass took a deep breath. That was what he was preoccupied with, the search for knowing what he wanted? Her throat clogged with tears. Julian, her Julian, had been so damaged by the war. No. He was not her Julian. He was Pen’s Julian. “I don’t know,” she murmured. It was all she could allow herself to say. Patience Bunbury could say no more.
“So, what do you want, Miss Bunbury? Do you know?”
She glanced into the darkened foliage.You.Her heart screamed it.
What would Patience Bunbury say, though? “Marriage, children… love.”
His turned his head sharply to look at her. “Love?”
She looked down at her gloved fingers. She couldn’t meet his eyes. He would surely see the truth there, that they were two souls who already knew each other, knew so much about each other and had shared countless hours of secrets and thoughts. “Yes.” Her voice broke on the word. “Wha… what do you want, Captain Swift?”
He stared at his hands and the gravel. “I want to…”
Cass’s heart lodged in her throat. “I promise whatever you say will be held in the strictest confidence,” she breathed, leaning forward, nearly on the edge of the bench. She already held many of Julian’s secrets. She would never tell any of them.
He drew in a large breath. “I’ve had a great deal of time to think about life and what is important and I have decided that since I lived, since I returned…”
She nearly toppled from the bench. “Yes?”
“I want to start a fund, for soldiers, for war veterans and their families.”
She tilted her head to the side, considering his words. He’d never mentioned this in his letters. “A fund?”
“Yes, especially for the injured ones, the ones who cannot work. Their lives have already been shattered by war. They deserve better than to come home to nothing.”
Cass put her hand on his. “I think that’s lovely.”
He bent his head but did not move his hand away. “I may not have a title, but I have friends, connections. I intend to do whatever I can to help those men.”
“I’ll help you, too.” The words slipped from her mouth before she even had a chance to think about them. “However I can, that is.”
“Thank you, Miss Bunbury.” He paused for a moment. “There’s one more thing, though I fear I shouldn’t burden you with it.”
She met his eyes then. She had to. “What’s that?”
