“Because I couldn’t believe that he could love me.”
Sophie swung around to face Thea, wiping away her tears with her fingertips. “You rejected him?”
“Yes.” Thea nodded. “And would you like to know what I learned?”
Sophie sighed. The hint of a smile touched her lips. “I have a feeling I don’t have a choice.”
Thea smiled. “I learned that sometimes, we hold on to pain on purpose. We choose to be martyrs. We choose to suffer.”
Sophie lifted her chin. “I choose to be in control of my destiny. I’m going to live in the country.”
“Is your destiny to be alone when you could have true love?” Thea countered.
Sophie let out a deep sigh. She clenched her jaw in frustration. “I don’t…know any longer.”
“Listen.” Thea leaned toward Sophie. “You said Phillip never wanted to be a soldier. But he never wanted to be a man whose older brother was killed and left him with a dukedom and a murder mystery to solve, either. I know you’re hurt. But believe me when I tell you that Phillip didn’t know who he could trust when he came back to town. And it didn’t help that you were betrothed to Hugh when he returned. Not that I’m blaming you, of course. I understand how powerful one’s family’s wishes can be. It’s just that…the only people Phillip knew for certain he could trust were Ewan, Lord Bellingham, and myself. And Lord Bellingham, who is usually quite right about things, was awfully wrong about you. He told Phillip repeatedly that you may have been involved in Malcolm’s death. He had Ewan and me half-convinced as well.”
“You made that quite clear on our last visit.” Sophie’s nostrils flared.
“Yes, well. I am sorry. I was wrong. But every time Lord Bellingham told him to be wary of you, Phillip insisted you had nothing to do with it.”
A lump lodged in Sophie’s throat. “He did.”
Thea nodded. “Yes. Without fail.”
“Lord Bellingham is a horse’s arse,” Sophie said with a sniff.
Thea chuckled. “Lord Bellingham is my friend. I’ve spoken to him, and he asked me to tell you he’s quite sorry that he tried to convince Phillip to mistrust you. Lord Bellingham wants you to know that even excellent spies sometimes make mistakes.”
Sophie’s face remained skeptical. Her arms remained crossed over her chest.
Thea gave her a tentative smile. “I must tell you, my friends and I…we’re usually all quite a jolly, loyal lot when you get to know us. Please give us another chance…especially Phillip. He is ever so deserving of happiness, and I know he loves you desperately.”
Sophie shook her head and closed her eyes. Why was Thea making her feel so…torn? So uncertain. She had her mind made up. She was ready to begin her life again, without Phillip in it. “If he loves me so desperately, why didn’t he visit while I was recuperating at his house? Why didn’t he even bother to say goodbye? I have no reason to believe he wants another chance.”
Thea’s brow knitted into a definitive frown. “What do you mean? He tried to visit. He tried to say goodbye.”
This time, Sophie allowed herself to roll her eyes. “That’s not true. My father told me Phillip never asked to visit.”
Thea shook her head. “Phillip was at your bedside day and night until your father arrived at Graystone Manor. He sent for the best doctors in London to come to your side. He didn’t sleep. According to Lord Bellingham, he was an unshaven, red-eyed wreck. He nursed you back to health and came away from your bedside only because your father ordered him out.”
Sophie froze. Could what Lady Clayton said possibly be true? Or was she merely trying to convince Sophie of something that never happened to suit her own purposes? She narrowed her eyes at the viscountess. “Papa said he never came. And he never told me that Phillip was the one who sent for Dr. Morrison.”
Thea folded her arms over her chest, a determined look in her eye. “Call your father in here now,” she offered. “Let’s ask him, shall we?”
Chapter Thirty-Four
A sennight later, Graystone Manor
Phillip stood in the stables, stroking Alabaster’s fine coat with a currycomb. He had stopped having the nightmares. The ones where screams and death met his ears. And the ones where Malcolm reached for him. Now his nightmares were of a different sort altogether. Sophie was there and when he reached for her, she disappeared. He frantically searched the darkness for her, but she was gone. He could never find her. He’d wake up in a sweat, panting, and filled with dread.
His nightmares had come true. Sophie was gone forever, and he had no one to blame but himself.
He might be alone, but he’d made one decision. From now on, for the rest of his life, his life was his own. And he would spend it living as he pleased. He may have lost Sophie, but he was no longer a soldier. He was free to visit faraway lands, to read as many books as he pleased, and to spend time with Alabaster, the horse who had survived the worst with him.
Footsteps sounded behind Phillip. But not the steady clomp of his stable master’s boots. Blast. No doubt it was Bell coming to say more things Phillip didn’t want to hear. “If you’ve come with more pithy anecdotes, Bellingham, save yourself the trouble.”
“I quite agree. I’ve had my fill of pithy anecdotes as well.”
