She took a deep breath. She’d made her decision, and she was certain of it. She did not know what tomorrow would bring, let alone tonight, but she wanted to do this no matter what. “I don’t want to die a virgin.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
A thousand thoughts raced through Phillip’s head at once. What had Sophie just said? Dear God. Precisely what he thought she’d just said. He took a deep, shuddering breath. “Sophie, we can’t—”
Sophie leaned forward and put her free arm around his neck. “Please, Phillip. We don’t know what will happen in the morning.”
Facing her, he squeezed her sides while he searched her beautiful face. “That’s not a good enough rationale for me to…” He needed to be the one who displayed reason here, didn’t he? He needed to be the one who realized why this was a ludicrous idea. Hadn’t he just finished telling her they’d be safe? Her logic wasn’t sound. She’d regret this tomorrow.
Sophie pushed herself away from his chest, eyeing him carefully, her features filled with apprehension. “Please don’t tell me you don’t want me. Tell me anything but that.”
“Of course I want you. I’ve always wanted you.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. Damn it all to hell. Were they actually having this conversation? Was this truly happening? His most cherished dream through all the long months on battlefields and the torturous months recovering had been taking Sophie to his bed, making her his. How could she ever possibly think he didn’t want her?
A triumphant smile spread across Sophie’s face, and she took another drink from the bottle. “And I’ve always wanted you, too. Don’t you see? It’s the perfect time.”
“Sophie, I wish—”
“I wish too. Why are we still wishing when we’re here now?”
Phillip continued to shake his head. “But I still can’t promise you—”
She put a finger to his lips to silence him. “I’m not asking for promises. I’m only asking for a night.”
Phillip’s mind raced. How could he make her see reason? She was entrusted to his care. She was frightened, and she was vulnerable. He was not about to take advantage of her. No matter how much he truly wanted her. “No. No. No,” he said. “And that’s an end to it.”
Phillip woke in the middle of the night to Sophie’s soft, warm body pressed against him. After calling him a scoundrel for refusing to make love to her, she’d insisted they sleep next to each other on the small cot. It was the only place to sleep; she reasoned. He hadn’t been able to think of an excuse to refuse her, knowing he might never have the opportunity to spend a night by her side again.
She’d removed her gown and stays and was wearing only her shift. They’d used her cape as their only blanket. Her backside was pressed close to his groin and was rubbing against him in a way that made him ache. He moved away from her when she flipped over in her sleep and flung an arm across his shoulder. She let out a breathy moan that instantly made him rock-hard.
He swallowed. She snuggled closer, her full breasts pressing tightly against his chest. Her hand traveled down his side to rest on his hip.
Wait a minute. Was she actually sleeping?
“Sophie?” he whispered.
“Mmm hmm,” she whispered back.
“What are you doing?”
“Trying to seduce you.”
Phillip froze. It felt as if the darkened room was closing in on him. At the same time, it felt as if his greatest dream was coming true. He’d wanted Sophie for so long. Only he’d thought he would make love to her on their wedding night. Now there was little chance of that.
Phillip closed his eyes, and in that moment, he gave up the fight to resist her. There was really no choice to make at all. He’d loved her for so long.
“Are you certain that’s what you want?” he breathed against her lips.
“Yes,” she whispered back, wrapping both arms around his neck, and pulling herself to splay fully against his body.
Phillip closed his eyes. All they had was tonight. He would make love to her.
When Phillip’s hand drifted down her side to the bottom of her shift, Sophie smiled to herself. She had won. They were going to do this. And she wanted it…badly. There were people with pistols upstairs and no surety that they would be saved.
Besides the soul-numbing fear, there was a certain reckless freedom in thinking you might well only have hours left to live. Absolutely nothing mattered…like the consequences of no longer being a virgin. It was silly how highly their Society valued a thing like virginity. What in the world did it matter when one faced death? In the three long years she’d waited for Phillip, Sophie had fantasized about their wedding night over and over. There hadn’t been a wedding and there probably never would be, but they could still do this. And she intended to enjoy every moment.
Before they’d retired for the night, she’d enlisted Phillip’s help to remove her gown and stays. She’d been quite calculating, really, when it came to convincing him to make love to her. Once they were in bed and pressed against each other, fate was on her side. It had only been a matter of time before Phillip could no longer resist. Sophie had counted on it.
Phillip’s warm hand slowly pulled her shift up to her bare hip. He stroked her upper thigh with the backs of his fingers. Then he moved his hand around to her backside and pulled her thigh up over one of his. Sophie gasped. She wanted his hand where she ached. Deep between her legs.
